The Virgin Lies (Published under LIB)

Chapter 36

The best time to jump is when you feel fear the most.

I remember I read that line somewhere. Hindi ko alam kung sa magazine, sa mga na-edit ko na o sa TV pero tumatak talaga 'yon sa'kin.

I was accustomed to fear. Alam na alam ko 'yan dahil 'yan ang bumago sa'kin.

The fear of being close to someone. The fear of strangers knowing my past. The fear to be a laughing stock. The fear to trust and the fear to have that same trust broken.

Dati naman parang wala akong kinakatakutan. I was carefree, adventurous, outgoing and spontaneous. Pero nagbago ang lahat ng 'yon.

Have you ever felt like you didn't belong? Like there was a this line surrounding you, separating you from the world? Well, para sa'kin, ang linyang 'yon ay ang memorya nung araw na 'yon.

How many times did I declare that I had moved on? Masyado nang marami. I have moved on. Erased the feeling of hatred and forgave people but that's just it. The scars would always be there. Never leaving.

When I agreed to Dylan's proposal, I also decided to jump. Tinalon ko ang linyang pumipigil sa'kin sa tuluyang pag-usad dahil kung hindi ko 'yon gagawin, mananatili akong nakakulong.

I was so scared that time that's why I made the jump.

"Are you sure it's safe?"

Nasa sasakyan kami ngayin ni Dylan at papunta sa isang restaurant. He invited me for lunch but I was still worried for him. Pa'no kung may makakilala sa kanya? Kahit magsusuot siya ng sumbrero paglabas namin ng sasakyan, hindi naman sigurado na walang makakakilala sa kanya.

Inabot niya ang aking kamay at hinalikan habang nagda-drive.

"Don't worry, baby. I have reserved a VIP room for just the two of us."

Nakakahawa ang kanyang ngiti kaya hindi ko napigilang gayahin. Since sinabi niyang okay lang, hindi na 'ko magsasalita pa tungkol do'n.

Biglang tumunog ang cellphone niya. He let go of my hand to connect his bluetooth before putting it on his ear.

Base sa pag-uusap nila, si Amy 'yon at gusto niyang personal na makausap si Dylan agad. It sounded urgent so when he looked dejected after the call I said it's alright.

"Babawi ako next time..."

"It's fine, Dylan." Matamis akong ngumiti sa kanya.

He kissed and carefully caressed my hand like it was a fragile glass as he took the path to our new destination.

Hindi ko maiwasang mapanganga at humanga sa pinuntahan namin. Sa basement parking siya dumiretso at pagbaba namin ay agad ko siyang tinanong.

"Anong ginagawa natin dito sa NBT?"

NBT o National Broadcasting and Telecommunication company ay ang pinakamalaki at pinakasikat na broadcasting company sa bansa.

Dati ay pangarap kong magtrabaho dito bilang broadcaster pero iba ang natahak kong karera sa trabaho.

"We'll know from Amy." Sagot nito. He reached for my hand as we went to the elevator.

Sa third floor kami bumaba. Gaya sa inaasahan sa malaking kumpanya, malaki ang pasilyo. Bawat isa sa mga malalaking karawan ng mga sikat na personalidad ay hindi pinapalagpas ng aking paningin. Nakakamangha talaga.

I stopped looking around like a kid when I felt some eyes on me. I saw people looking intently at us. Dylan put on his shades when he noticed it too. He didn't even entertain those who came to ask for pictures and autographs. Nag-alala ako dahil baka may lumabas na balita na kasama ako.