Chandler Riggs Imagines

Grief

~ Your POV ~

You plug your earphones in and lie back on your bed, as you press play on your phone, and the song that ruined you emotionally starts playing directly into your ears.

As soon as it starts to play, you are filled with grief. It's amazing how a fictional character can have such a profound effect on you. But that's just it, isnt it? It's not just about the loss of a fictional character, but the screen presence of a person whose smile alone was such a comfort to you, has been taken away from you. What's ironic, is that Carl Grimes isnt dead yet, but because of where he was bitten, and Chandler has confirmed that Carl will have his final moments in the next episode in February, you know that his death is inevitable. Chandler Riggs has less than an hour of screentime left on The Walking Dead. The next episode, and then that'll be it. You'll be lucky to see him in a flashback in future episodes, but you cant pin your hopes on such a tiny possibility.

Tears slowly fill your eyes, as the scene plays on repeat in your head. This all hurts so much, and the worst part is, you are completely alone in this. It's like you're suffering the death of a loved one, but everyone you know has no idea that person ever existed. It's a fictional character for christ sake, get ahold of yourself. You're so accustomed to seeing him on the screen, so used to your heart speeding up whenever the camera focussed on him, and the fact you're inevitably losing that breaks your heart.

Nobody can understand the pain you're in, you dont even understand it yourself. You knew you were attached to Chandler Riggs on the screen, but you didnt realise the extent of that attachment. Seeing him in so much pain, and looking so ill...fucking hell. Your tears slip down your cheeks at odd angles, falling into the hair behind your head as you stare up at the ceiling.

You've always been quite an emotional person, and when you say this has really fucked you up, you really arent being overdramatic. You used to cry often, sometimes over something as simple as seeing a cute dog, but since seeing Carl sat dying in the sewer, that's changed completely. Nowadays, it's so difficult for you to cry, but as soon as you hear the music, or you see Chandler's face, you cant stop the tears from falling.

The Walking Dead has really handled this poorly on twitter, they keep tweeting about Carl and trying to make light of the subject, even though for you this is like an open wound. It's awful. It's like they're taunting you and have no idea what they're putting you through.

As you stare up at your ceiling, totally consumed by your own thoughts, your heart aches at the thought of Chandler being told Carl was getting killed off, how devastated he must have been. That makes this whole situation so much worse. If Chandler had wanted to leave, then at least this decision would have partly been his, but it wasnt like at all. To you, the sadness conveyed in Carl's expressions in S8:E8, also represented Chandler's own sadness at having to leave the show. Even though that theory may be a stretch, it still hurts.

Considering the state you're in now, you really do wonder how you're going to cope when Carl inevitably dies in the next episode.

It's not like Chandler is dead, because he's not, but when are you next going to be able to see him on screen? You've watched him grow up, you've grown up with him, and now you wont be able to see him for god knows how long. He's a part of your life, and although that's ridiculous to think considering he's a fictional character, it's the truth.

You wonder if Chandler has any idea how upset the fandom is. Has he watched people's reactions to his death online? Has he seen people's tweets, heard the cries of his fans? Has he seen just how much people will love and miss him?

The thing is, Chandler isnt dead, but the one link you had with him, the place where you could see him so often and feel like the two of you understood each other, has disappeared. Chandler Riggs has no idea you exist, he never did, but when he was on screen, you grew up with him, you felt like you knew him in some way. Not as Carl Grimes, but as the boy who played him, the nerdy kid in the interviews. The one connection you had with Chandler, is gone, and the fact that connection was something only you felt doesnt matter, because it was something that comforted you, you didnt need him to feel it too.

You miss him way too much, especially for a guy you've never met.