Artificial Water

Chapter 23🥀

Kyungsoo

I stared down at the ringing phone, my hands shaking once again. I didn't want to feel like this. People had always told me what to do and when to do it. Ever since my mother got addicted I had to do everything alone. Make dinner, clean the house and make sure everything was going as it was supposed to go. It was hard enough without someone whining to me about every little thing I did, but even then she was pointing things out to me. She did not only not take responsibility but also acted like she cared about me in front of everyone else. The difference between the mother that was home and the mother that was out with her son made it hard for people to believe me if they knew her. I had told some people when it had all started but they had pushed me aside as a kid that wanted attention. Then I started to feel ashamed about it. I never thought I'd be ashamed of one of my parents this way and it hurt more than I could imagine.

"You're not gonna pick up?" Jongin's voice was calm but something unexpected glistened in his eyes. Sorrow.

I slowly shook my head as the phone went silent. I hoped I had showed Joonwoo I wasn't his puppet now, instead of the spineless person I had been when he had held me in his arms. It was the first time I felt ashamed since my mother had been high in front of Joonwoo when I brought him home. I still felt the pang in my chest when I thought back at that moment. Both from shame and hurt. Hurt because I didn't knew how Joonwoo really was back then. "I don't know what to do," I whispered as the phone slid out of my hand and onto the floor.

Instead of answering, Jongin turned the key and started the engine. Or maybe he just hadn't heard me. "How did you get that phone. Did you have it all this time?"

"It's my own. Joonwoo got it out of my house to stay in contact." I couldn't look at him as I explained it. Not because of the words but because of the tone he had spoken in. "I could throw it away but that won't solve anything."

Jongin opened his mouth but closed it again, like he wanted to say something but didn't know how to or maybe he thought it was not necessary. When he had pulled Joonwoo back it made me think at the first time I saw him. The determined look in his eyes as he wouldn't let me slip out of his grip. All this time I had seen it as bad luck that someone had stopped my plan, but now I realised he was all I ever needed to make me stop feeling the way I did. I couldn't go back now and acting like there was nothing to worry about was impossible. "It's hopeless."

"What is?" Jongin glanced at me from the corner of his eye as he kept focusing on the road.

"This situation," I explained with a wild gesture of my hands. "Now Joonwoo's gonna break his promise cause I broke mine."

"You can't expect me to understand what you are saying right now." Jongin spoke and furrowed his eyebrows. "Which promises?"

"I was supposed to pick up the phone whenever he called and then he wouldn't tell his dad." I clarified myself as sudden panic rushed through my body. "He will tell him."

"Tell him what?" You could hear he was obviously tired of asking questions.

"Where I am of course," I snapped, immediately feeling bad about it.

Shock was visible on his face but he soon pulled himself together again. "Did you look through the windows of the flower shop?"

"What?" I asked not understanding why he brought up the shop. "What are you talking about?"

"Do I have to repeat myself?" He asked with a sudden fierceness.

I bit my lip in surprise as I nodded. "Yes, I did. Why?"

"I can't believe I forgot," Jongin said to himself. He groaned and hit the wheel with his fist. "How can Joonwoo's father not know where you are? He even gave me his number because you were familiar with my shop. You really think he doesn't know you are with me? They are just playing with you."

I wanted to object but he spoke again. "Who is he Kyungsoo and why does he want you?"

"I told you I couldn't tell you yet," I reminded him of our earlier conversation. "It would only make it worse."

"For who? For you?' He asked as he stopped the car in front of his apartment. "Is that all you think about?"

"I..." I couldn't finish the sentence because the lump in my throat wouldn't let. It was suffocating me in a way I couldn't control.

His expression softened as he turned the engine off, "I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"I had to be selfish to survive and I have no choice but to be it now." I spoke and averted my gaze before opening the door and climbing out of the car.

Jongin quickly followed and leaned on the roof to face me. "Then who is he?"

"He's his father," I replied annoyed. I knew it wasn't the answer he wanted to hear but I was done with people calling me selfish while they didn't know the things I had to do to survive. One word was easy to say.

"Don't put that attitude on me just because I said something wrong. I am sorry okay?" He sighed while tapping his knuckles against the black material. "You know what I mean."

"He's an amateur at selling drugs, what more do you wanna know?" I had the urge to scream because it all sounded less worse than it felt. Maybe I was just too weak and was that the reason why I ran away from my problems. Could it still be a called a problem when you did something I had done? I wouldn't know anymore.

"So he works alone," Jongin remarked as he slowly crossed the street, waiting for me to follow him. "There's no gang or something?"

I stared at him in disbelief. "It's my life Jongin, not a gangster movie."

"I just want to know in what kind of situation we are in." He led me up the stairs and unlocked the door. "I should tell Hayoon I'm not coming today."

"You are not going?" I asked while stepping inside the apartment. "Why?"

"I'm not gonna leave you alone now," he replied like it was the most obvious reason in the world. "Or do you want me gone?"

"No, it's just that-" I was cut of by my ringing phone.

"You've got to be kidding me," Jongin said as he kicked out his shoes. "What does he want now?"

I took the device, I had taken with me from the car, out of my pocket and held it against my ear. "Yeah?"

"Hello, kyungsoo. Nice of you to pick up. Let's talk." A voice I hadn't heard in a long time sounded through the phone, making me freeze.