Artificial Water

Chapter 34🥀

Kyungsoo

I had forgotten how cold the air could be at night. How it could bite into your skin and make you wonder why you had left the warmth of the house in the first place. It had the habit to distract people and make them forget what they were worried about. The lights of cars passing by made me think back at when I had been crying at this exact same spot and Chanyeol came home. He was probably sleeping by now, warm and comfy in his own bed. Jongin hopefully too.

A smile formed on my lips as I shivered. It was nice to be forced to think about something else instead of replaying things over and over again. If I closed my eyes I could see Joonwoo. His eyes round in surprise and pain. Even though I had to do what I had done, it still felt wrong. This has been exactly why I had ran away from home.

I sighed deeply and looked down at the parking lot where a car stopped. It felt like ages ago when Chanyeol's vehicle had droven up here.
It was hard to think about the words he had spoken before he let me go to Joonwoo's house. "I... like you." I knew how hard it was to speak those words aloud and he knew I wouldn't say it back. He had walked into the room after what I did to Joonwoo and when I looked up from where I was crouched next to Jongin I saw hurt written all over his face.

I lowered my head until I felt the cold iron press against my forehead. My mind told me to go back to bed, but I was too restless. I had only kept Jongin awake, so I decided to go outside. There was one thing that came back every time I closed my eyes, which made me unable to sleep. The face of my mother. It lingered in my mind and made me want to run again.

"What are you doing here?"

I turned and eyed the figure standing in the doorway. His eyes as dull as his expression when he looked back at me. The white bandage covering a big part of his forehead stood out against his tanned skin, his hair no longer sticky with blood. The white shirt he was wearing with a faded band logo I didn't recognise made him look like a teenage boy. "I wanted to clear my head."

He stepped over the threshold and placed his forearms on the railing next to me. "What are you thinking about?"

I lifted my shoulders in a half shrug and rubbed the iron with my thumb. "My mother."

Jongin diverted his gaze from the city to me, his expression softer than usual. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really, but what's bothering me is that you don't know about something." I admitted. "I think you should."

"Then get it off your chest." He encouraged me with a smile. "I'll listen."

I looked down at my palms and bit my lip. "Remember when you thought my habit was looking at my hands?" I didn't wait for confirmation as I continued. "The truth is that I started looking at them since the day I left my house. To be honest, I was checking if they were clean." I stared up at him but he was looking down at the street. "Clean of... blood."

Jongin didn't look at me in horror nor did he even seem surprised. His silence made me insecure but I waved it off as him not wanting to interrupt me. "It all began when my mother started dating this man she met at a club. It wasn't abnormal for her to see men, but this relationship went on for longer and he ended up moving into our house. I would often find them yell at each other when I came home from school, but even that wasn't abnormal. My mother has always liked to annoy people to the point they started fighting her. My father however, never let her provoke him, but this man seemed to enjoy it too. He wanted to have the control and her doing whatever she wanted, didn't fit his liking."

I paused to take a deep breath, but didn't dare to look at Jongin. "It went on like this until one day I came back and heard them yell again. I didn't even have to unlock the door yet to know this fight was different. My mother's voice didn't sound as confident as it always had been. It was more high pitched and fear seeping through. I headed in and slowly walked towards where the noise came from. I didn't have the courage to run. My heart was pounding in my chest and nausea crept up my throat as I carefully pushed the door open and froze while watching the scene in front of me."

Jongin placed his hand on mine over the railing and gave it an encouraging squeeze. He still hadn't spoken a word as he listened intently. His warm skin on my cold hand immediately gave me the same safe feeling as always when we touched.

"She was pressed against the counter, her expression full of terror. Her hair was a mess like someone had pulled at it and her cheek bright red. The man was standing close to her with his hand raised. He heard me come in and turned to me, his face contorted out of anger. 'Go upstairs,' my mother told me, but I was paralyzed. I couldn't move. The man came up to me and growled, 'you heard her.' Something in his voice made me snap out of my frozen state and speak up. 'No,' I said softly, making him huff. 'Don't test me, boy.' He warned me, but I kept standing where I was. I wouldn't leave her alone with this monster, no matter what she had done to me. I just couldn't."

It wasn't until Jongin reached out to wipe away my tears I realised I was crying. I felt relief wash over me as I spoke the words. I finally was about to tell someone what had happened. It wasn't gonna be a heavy secret anymore. "He hit me across the face and I could see my mother staring at us from her spot. She didn't say anything. Just stared. He wrapped his hand around my neck as he pushed me against the fridge. 'You should have listened to your precious mom,' was what he said before letting his other hand join the other at my throat. He was very strong and cut off the air immediately. I was gasping and clawing at his hands and all I could see was my mother staring. When I started to feel light headed I searched for something I could get him off me with, but the counter beside the fridge was empty. Apart from two things."

Jongin pulled me against his body, protecting me from the cold wind. I closed my eyes before continuing. "A cutting board and a knife. I grabbed the board first and tried to hit him, but that only made him more angry. My fingers brushed the knife and before I could think twice, I had taken it. I don't know how, but... it ended up sticking out of his stomach. It was... horrible. My mother screamed and the man gasped as his hands slowly unwrapped around my throat. Blood was seeping out of the wound, staining my hands. He sank to his knees and I let go of the hilt. I can still see their faces. They looked at me like I was the monster. I stepped backwards out of the kitchen as my mother crouched down next to the man's body and I ran out of the door. The last thing I heard her say was, 'what have you done?'"

His embrace tightened as I stopped talking. "I don't know if you'll believe this, but you did nothing wrong. It was him or you."

I pushed my face in his neck and mumbled, "killing someone is always wrong. He doesn't feel anything anymore and I am left with all the pain."

"Fate is unfair, Soo. It punishes people like you with something worse, but also gives you the opportunity to start over again and I will be here to help you through it."