Obsessive, Compulsive.

FOUR.

"Come right on in."

I followed the doctor into the sterile white of the room, blinking at the bright lights. Just before the door shut, I looked behind me to see Kai and Ashley sitting two seats apart in the waiting room, not talking. Before I could try and get a look of reassurance from either of them, the silver door slammed in my face, making me flinch slightly.

Slowly, I turned round and met the doctor's eye. She smiled at me in a gesture of fake friendliness. "Please, sit down."

I shook my head, always wanting to stand up in case I had to run.

"Well... I've got some good news." She told me, ignoring my strange behaviour.

I didn't say anything.

"But I've also got some bad news." The doctor moved some paperwork around on her desk and sighed. "You want the good news or the bad news?"

I shrugged.

She ignored my silence. "The good news is that you don't need stitches on your lip. I'll just clean it with some saline and place medical tape and a bandage on it to band it together and you'll be alright. The bad news is that I've discovered in your routine check that you're severely underweight."

I gulped and tapped my feet on the floor four times, touched my back four times, scratched my arm four times and blinked four times.

The doctor gave an uninterested look and stood up. "You weigh ninety seven pounds, and that's pretty thin, wouldn't you agree? It's not good for you."

Ninety seven? That was a bad number... Seven was only one above six, and six was the worst number of all and it was all things evil and someone would come and kill me if I did something six times. I tapped my feet four times.

"Can I see how skinny you really look? I can hardly tell while you're wearing that huge hoodie. It drowns you." She looked at me expectantly.

Turning red, I needed to touch her desk four times but I couldn't because she'd see and it would be embarrassing. Why did she want to see me without my jumper on? I didn't want her to see how skinny I really was. I felt vulnerable. But, there was no way I could get out of this... Something inside me was screaming at me that I was forgetting something, but I swallowed it down.

Deciding not to argue, I took my bloodstained hoodie off over my head and looked blankly at the doctor. She gasped loudly. It took me a moment to realise, but once I did I wished the ground would swallow me up. I remembered what I had forgotten...

I had forgotten to wear my long sleeved shirt, instead I was standing there in a black t shirt with my arms exposed. My cut, bleeding, scarred arms.

Yesterday, I had been awake all night. A voice in my head had told me to go into the bathroom, and as I was too terrified to disobey I had gone in. I knew exactly what was going to happen. It was like I was watching someone else, it wasn't me. It really wasn't me. I had carved four long slices down each of my arms. It felt amazing, each drop of blood running out giving me a feeling of control. The self harm had left my mind until now.

Suddenly, I snatched my hoodie back up and was about to put it on. I paused. But what was the point? It was too late, the doctor had already seen. Sighing deeply in defeat, I put the hoodie on the chair in front of me and looked the doctor right in the eye.

What could I say? Would she tell Kai? What would Kai say? My parents...

"I..." The doctor shook her head. "You... You did that?"

"No, the... It was the cat." I panicked. "The cat scratched me."

"But they're all up your arm, and... They're so deep. I'm putting you on a list for psychiatric treatment. I'm concerned that you are a danger to yourself." She started typing into her computer.

"But..." I froze.

"Ah." She read my file. "You've already been supplied with a counsellor for anxiety disorder and OCD. Does your counsellor know about your self harm?"

I gave up fighting and shook my head. "No, she doesn't know. No one does."

My legs were shaking. My secret had been found out. I was too panicked even to tap anything. I was out of control.

The doctor stood up and opened the door. She gestured to Kai, who stood up and walked towards the door. Tears blurred my vision, and I felt my head become distant and fuzzy. Feeling fainter and fainter with each second, I could hardly stand. I couldn't breathe.

"What's the problem?" I heard Kai's voice, but I couldn't see through the tears. The doctor stepped out of the way and I heard Kai gasp. His voice wobbled, and I heard him start to choke on his tears. "Bella..."

"I'm sorry." My voice was shaking. "I'm really sorry."

"Why did you...?" He had tears streaming down his cheeks. I hadn't seen him cry in years. "Fuck, this is all my fault."

"What? How is it your fault?" I sniffed.

"Because I never checked on you! I assumed you were fine! But you're just like me when I was your age." He looked like his world had fallen down around him.

I looked down at my arms. "No, Kai it's not your fault. It's my fault, I'm just wrong and stupid and-"

"You sound just like I did!" He interrupted me. "Just like I did when I was sixteen!"

Ashley appeared in the doorway and raised her hand to her mouth. Visibly shaking, she looked up at Kai. Kai looked back at her. They both stared at each other in pure shock and sadness for a minute, before the doctor interrupted them.

"I'm going to speak to her parents and organise psychiatric treatment, possibly residential in a treatment centre." The doctor looked at me. "Those cuts are too deep to be normal self harm."

"No type of self harm is 'normal.' Don't fucking say that." Kai directed his anger straight at the doctor.

"Kai." Ashley whispered to him. "Stop it."

There was a moment of silence, and I remembered the sting in my lip. "I want to go home." I pleaded.

"Have you sorted out her mouth yet?" Kai asked, gathering himself.

The doctor shook her head. "It'll only take a minute. Go get some air."

After a worried glance from both of them, Kai and Ashley disappeared from the room and left me alone with the doctor. She nodded at me and I sat down in the chair, thinking that if someone really did come to kill me I would happily let them.

The doctor turned round and looked at me. "You're scaring me."

"How?" I said, not looking at her.

"I've got a daughter your age. I can't imagine her going through any of this, she would be in tears and crying all the time. You just seem numb, which is the stage above crying."

I agreed with her so much that I couldn't even give an answer.