Obsessive, Compulsive.

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I chewed the food four times on each side of my mouth before swallowing it. Dinner was simple today: a slice of bread with nothing on it and an apple.

When I used to get home from school, my parents would still be out at work so I would have dinner alone. I used to eat normal meals, until the voices in my head started to talk to me about how fat I was. Slowly, using my solitude at dinner times as an advantage, I had cut down my food intake to meet my needs. I had been losing weight rapidly, and I was pleased. My parents, however, had started to notice. They had also started to notice my OCD getting worse, too.

As I had recently learned, when people notice things, they seem to make it all a whole lot worse.

It all got a bit too much for me after a while. Mum and Dad came home and found me lying in the kitchen surrounded by food and blood. I had binged, so I cut my arms from the top to the bottom, carving angry red gashes into my skin as a punishment for being so disgusting. Even though it was only one setback, and even though I was completely totally utterly not mentally ill,  they spoke to my therapist and school and decided to not let me go to school anymore until I got 'better'.

How could I get better if there was nothing wrong with me? Was there something wrong with me? Maybe I was just in denial... No. I wasn't.

Kai had taken his girlfriend Ashley to visit their friend and my parents were at work, so I had been alone in the house for about half an hour. That was the longest I was allowed to be alone in case I harmed myself or someone else. It was weird being treated like a psychopath; I would most probably not do either of those things.

Four knocks sounded from the front door. Only one person ever remembered to knock four times. Quickly, I put my plate in the sink and rushed to the front of the house. "Alice!" I greeted my therapist, smiling. I always trusted Alice with everything, and she had started doing home visits so that I wasn't alone when my parents were out. She really cared about me, and sometimes it felt like she was a big sister to me when I needed her.

"Hello." Alice grinned. Her ash-black hair fell down right past her waist, and she was beautifully pale with long willowy limbs. A stunning silver wedding ring sat on her finger. I envied her beauty immensely.  She laughed. "Can I come in, or are you going to just stand at the door all night?"

"Sorry... Come in." I shook my head. How embarrassing. I bet she thought I was an idiot.

She walked in and sat delicately down on the blue couch. Obediently, I closed the door and leaned against wall opposite where she sat. She knew by now that I liked to be in a position where I could run away at all times, no matter how irrational it may be. "What have you been up to today?" Alice asked, her soft voice calming the silence.

"I played video games with Ashley this morning, but since then I've just been hanging around the house..." There was a pause. I knew what she was going to ask, so I answered before she could even speak. "Yeah, I ate."

"Good." She said, satisfied with that answer for the moment.

"What have you been up to today?" I reflected her question, genuinely interested. I knew she wasn't really supposed to talk about her own personal life during our counselling sessions, but it didn't seem right talking about myself all the time.

"Well," She hesitated but continued. "My husband and I had coffee with a couple of friends and did a bit of grocery shopping."

"You haven't been married long, have you?" I frowned.

"No, only about a year." She laughed, her eyes twinkling as she thought about it. "It was amazing. He proposed to me on a drunken night out with our friends, and we got married the next day in a tiny ceremony with just us and four friends. It was beautiful, but silly really. We're still a bit young for all that. I'm not even thirty yet. I suppose love is love, though, isn't it?"

"Did your parents mind not coming to the wedding?" My curiosity continued.

Almost immediately, she stiffened. "I think we should talk about you, Bell." After a moment of silence, I looked at the floor. How could I be so nosy? I was acting like a stupid little kid. Behind me, I touched the wall four times and clenched my fists. Idiot. She spoke up again. "How have you found not being at school?"

"Lonely." I shrugged. "I know I didn't exactly have loads of friends at school, but I miss seeing people my own age."

"I bet its been nice having your brother down then?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I really miss him when he's not around."

"Is there anything else bothering you about not going to school?" Alice leaned her elbows on her knees and really looked like she was listening.

"Well... My grades will slip quite a lot while I'm not at school. That's kind of annoying, because I'll never get into university if I don't have good enough grades." I bit my lip. "I'm worried that I won't be able to get a good job in the future, but I don't even know what I want to do anyway, and... It's just annoying."

She felt me getting a bit worked up and put in an attempt to calm me down. "When I was your age, I wanted to be a 'hamster carer', so I wouldn't worry about career plans just yet."

I laughed. "A hamster carer?"

"Yep." Alice chuckled.

"That's funny." Momentarily, I forgot about worrying. "Do you want a cup of tea or something?"

"I'm a therapist, Bell, not a guest of honor." She joked kindly.

Taking a deep breath, I scratched my head and tapped my feet four times. "I know, I just feel guilty that you have to listen to me complaining and you spend your life listening to other people's problems and its annoying for you I bet and-"

"I'm fine. Honestly. This is my job. Besides, everyone deserves someone to talk to. Talking to people about your problems always makes them a bit better. You know, sharing the weight." She tried to convince me.

I wasn't too sure.