Lady Knight Missione (Merlin fanfic)

Chapter Thirty

The tears manage to fall through my closed lids and onto the motionless face only center meters away from me. All I can think about is him. Making fun, pulling what I used to call pranks, and stealing food, eating apples. He would pick flowers and put them in my hair. I always got strange looks, but I never understood until I got to my room and combed out my hair. They would fall to the ground and despite the little spark of annoyance, I would let a small smile slip. I never really acknowledged that before, or those other things, or so many more because they didn't seem important, not at the time. Now, now they are everything. What I would give for one last smile, one last teasing smirk, or even a small prank that would make me want to hit him and kiss him at the same time. I went for the hitting option always, but now, I would kiss him, no matter who's watching because that doesn't matter. It's strange what now seems to matter when- Pain. It ripples through me and more tears fall. I stop thinking of him, who he w- who he is and move to something less painful. I think, I memorize his features without opening my eyes; I take the images from my memories instead.

Those dark brown eyes that remind me of dark chocolate, something I used to eat and enjoy, long ago in another life and how his eyes crinkle every time he laughs or smiles. His dark brown hair that matches, curled at the ends and blows in the wind as he rides his steed. The gruff facial hair that always intrigued me. His dark eyebrows that matched all the rest of him, they would scrunch together whenever he is serious, anxious, or when something holds his interest. His nose, straight and pointed, balanced out the rest of his features. Then there are his lips, never straight but always smiling and full of mirth that could be soft and light when he wants or a little ruff and greedy. I remember the way his lips felt touching mine, and the way they held me...

...

There is a strangled cry of pain a few minutes after the yelling subsides and Merlin hears no more. He walks on, faster than before, refusing to believe of what his gut and mind are telling him. The yelling is of a name, "Gwaine! Gwaine! Gwaine!" and then it stops. But he knows that voice, he knows it well and if... No. He needs to keep moving.

It feels like forever but it hasn't been long, mere minutes when he reaches the end of the tunnel and comes to a dead end. It's made of soft stone, warm to the touch like it's heated on the other side which makes sense, realizes Merlin. He's looking to the ground where light streams through the crack of the apparent door.

"Missy!?" He tries to yell, but even as he hears his own words, he knows it's useless.

No response.

"Missy!?" He yells again.

No response.

He puts out the light made of magic in his hands and focuses all his magic and power on opening that door.

....

Missione weeps over Gwaine, not moving a muscle, keeping her forehead pressed against his. Her fingers tangled in his hair as she holds the sides of his with a little more pressure than needed. The tears fell silently down her face and drip onto his. She doesn't even notice. She holds back as many sobs as she can, but many escape her lips. The noise seems to bounce off of the walls and back to her... To him.

The sadness that is filling her is like a million dams all breaking down at once, filling all the spaces like a flood; A flood of sorrow. It's something you cannot understand unless you have experienced it before. It knocks you down so that you're lying on the ground and gasping for relief. It should knock Missy down, but it doesn't because she is holding back and holding on. She is holding onto Gwaine physically, and metaphorically. She's the kind of person who never really let's go. She always will hang on too tight until there is nothing left to hang on to.