Lady Knight Missione (Merlin fanfic)

Chapter Thirty Three

I can't move, I am frozen and everything comes crashing down. The scene keeps replaying and replaying in my head, it won't stop. Over and over again, I will kill my brother. Gwaine lying dead, Arthur with that same look, Mordred with his sword unsheathed, and I with my blade already lodged into his side. I see no blood, but I can feel it on my hands and it sticks. As these images play, my body shakes in violent shivers and sweat pours from my brow, my leg aches. And I am paralyzed, in fear, and in pain.

I hardly notice the dark turn into light, nor the knock at my door. More light pours in the room as I shakily wipe my hands on my pants. The blood won't come off. I can still feel it, dripping down and all around me. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. It's his, his. Mordred's. Mordred's blood. Why? Why would I do that? Why would he?

"Do what?" A voice asks.

"I"- I try to tell it, but my words fade, and the blood returns.

"Oh, God." Says the voice. And then it screeches, "Help! Someone help!"

Why does it scream?

"What happened?" Asks another voice.

"I don't- I don't kn- know. I- I- I j-j-j-j-j-just ca-ca-came in he-here, and th-then all thi-thi-this bl-bl-blood."

The other voice says something about Guise as I continue to wipe my hands and shake. I'm cold. I'm hot. There is no in-between. Then I am floating and there is nothing solid underneath me. I'm flying, soaring, all the way up in the sky. The thought of heights makes all that's in my stomach come back up and out. And then I'm going down...

"Reopened... Wound... Too much blood... Blood loss... Infection..." The voices whisper as the blood from my hands is dried, taken away.

There is no blood. I haven't hurt him, have I? The battle hasn't happened yet. There's still time for me to save him, to save both of them. They don't have to die. I can change it. I have to.

"What... She... Saying..." The voice whispers, it's nice, and warm. It nears. "Will..."

Then, nothing.

....

"What happened?" I ask as I sit up in the cot.

"You're wound, it reopened." Merlin says as he stands. "You were supposed to rest, not go everywhere at once. You're very lucky that Maria found you in time."

I don't say anything as I look round the room for Gwaine and find that he is not here.

"Gwaine was moved to his own room."

I look back up to Merlin and say, "Oh."

"He was very reluctant, though. He wanted to stay by your side." Merlin says, then asks, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Is he alright? Is he healing well?"

Merlin nods his head.

"How long was I...?" I ask after a moment of silence.

"A week. Guise said you are very lucky. You should be able to start walking in a couple days."

There is another long moment of nothing between us until I finally say, "Thanks for being here, but I think I'll be alright now by myself. Arthur probably has a very long list of chores for you anyway."

He still doesn't move, and the way he is looking at me is unsettling.

"I'll take it easy." I say in another attempt for him to leave, so this awkwardness will end.

Instead of leaving he sits down again and says, "You were delirious from the fever and said some things... About a battle that hasn't happened yet. What did you mean?"