Female Robbery (Z.M)

26 ; bangtan boys

Alina P.O.V

I slept most of the trip here to Seoul. It had been a long deary 12 plus hours on a private flight all by myself. I talked to Derrick for a little bit too to help pass time.

He wished me good luck at adjusting myself with the move to Korea. I tried to remain as vague as possible, when he asked if I knew why Zayn wanted to leave so hastily. Zayn and I had done a pretty good job at blending in with the locals. No one would give away that we had been together.

We had also been very careful when interacting together outside. I can see where Zayn got tired. Most of our relationship was indoors or on a bed. Take that away, what do we have?

I'm assuming now nothing since Zayn left so easily. I wondered how long it had took him to decide he no longer wanted me. I try so hard to remember a moment in which he seemed distant. But I can't recall.

I wanted to believe that Zayn felt nothing for me. Who chokes someone they love like that? You don't hurt the people you claim to love. Whatever the reason you don't switch up on someone you love like that.

If Zayn was going to do me like this I would have rather never fallen in love with him. I would have never given him the chance to destroy me.

I feel so infuriated with myself for having giving him an opening. Since the start I knew this was stupid and probably never going anywhere. The odds of Zayn and I truly being something was a joke.

The other part of me that wasn't so caught up in self loathing, felt like dying, and being buried six feet under ground. Whether it was real or not on Zayn's part, for me it was. All of it.

I felt it from the start.

I'm talking about when Nick shoved me in the car outside the yogurt shop. I remember taking in Zayn for the very first time.

He oozed two things violence and sex. Even then I found him so heartbreakingly beautiful for a man.

I am a mess inside. Everything is a mess. The waves of pain that I can't control from happening at times consume me. I just want it to stop.

In my head I am sitting in a room flooding with water. I have no way to get out no matter how hard I try opening the door. That's how this pain feels to me.

I am drowning but I can't get out. The doors won't open.

I feel like a zombie all day. I act like I normally should but inside I'm still in the flooding room.

I hate that he moved on and left me here. I want to completely shut down then disappear but I don't have that luxury. My life wasn't my own. Even with who knows how many miles in between us Derrick still called the shots.

He was like a phantom I couldn't escape. Somehow always making himself remembered in a way.

I'm way too well aware how impossible it was.

I just want to understand why he made the choice to give up. Yes choice. Because I know he loves me. He's made it perfectly clear. Zayn can lie through his teeth all he wants. But I know him.

I know he chose to leave me. He chose this for some reason I can't guess. He doesn't want me. I know that fact all too well as well.