Female Robbery (Z.M)

20. temper meets tender

Zayn P.O.V

Being around Alina is very dangerous right now. My temper is flared up and the girl is only pushing it. One thing for me to know of my sins and live with the guilt. Another thing is though having someone else judge them not completely understanding why.

I hate people like that. Those who judge others without knowing anything. Only liking to point fingers. I know I am the worst part of the scumbag in the world. I sell people as if I'm above them. I don't act like I'm any better than the next person to me. I never claim to be a saint.

"Please stop talking Alina. It's best advised if you really did that for yourself." I say through clenched teeth.

"Or else you'll hit me right?" Alina accuses darkly and I lose it. I want to do that just that. I detest that I'm so easily predictable when it comes to how I display my emotions. I was taught to use my hands not my words when a feeling took over. Alina flinches when I punched the glass table next to us, shattering it completely, glass pieces descend onto the wooden floor.

I don't let the hiss of discomfort leave  my lips. Instead, I fist my hand even harder as the blood oozes from the many single cuts all over it. Alina comes forward, with her hands out to grasp mine, but I step backward. I feel a slight grip of control on my temper and actions but it's slipping the closer Alina got.

"Zayn please let me help." Alina pleads.

"Please don't touch me." I say sternly shaking my head. I'm still too enraged and it isn't safe for Alina to be anywhere near me. If she touches me even less because I can't guarantee what I'd do.

With other girls, it was easy to expel my anger because if I hurt them, or not it wasn't of my concern. I'd unleash my brutality without so much as a second thought. The girls would cry but it never stirred remorse. If I hit Alina again I wouldn't forgive myself for it. The first time I had laid my hands on her. Yes it hurt me, but I hadn't cared much for her. I see her as a person now. A woman.

My woman.

I wish Alina didn't get under my skin. To start off, she knew how to do it so well. Knew where to poke and probe in order to infuriate me. Sometimes I wondered if she got a thrill from it. Pushing me to see how much I would hold off before lashing back. She knew I would try very hard not to harm her but this wasn't fair.

Physical abuse is never the answer to anything. It's also not fair when someone uses your weakness against you. Attacking you emotionally which scares more than anything physical. Normal human reaction is to retaliate and cause as much pain as possible in return.

"Just leave me alone please. I don't want to ask again Alina, respect my boundaries as I have tried to respect yours!" I shout. Alina flinches making me wonder why, until realising I'd raised a bloody hand at her, ready to strike with an open palm.

I slap my hand to my side feeling anger, because no matter how hard I tried, it seems I would succumb to my old habits. I don't wait for her to say anything it would just go in through one ear while coming out of the other. I make my way into my room, closing the door sharply behind me, making it clear I wished to be left alone. I wasn't even surprised when within seconds I heard the door be opened and someone rushing in. I didn't pay Alina any attention because I have a bloody arm now and an aching hand that oozed more blood by the second. I groan, my stomach does a turn, and I feel as if I needed to hurl, but I refused too. I have seen more bloody than a normal person should in my lifetime. My own blood shouldn't make me sick like a seasick sailor.