Dear Friend,
Things have been going exceptionally well for me over the past week. Lauren and I have been hanging out a lot more ever since the kiss that was initiated during the day of the fair. Though nothing has progressed romantically between us, I feel as though we've become closer as companions. I know I tell you how I like Lauren very much, but for now, I'm satisfied being her friend.
In the days we hung out, we mostly just talked. We would have deep conversations about life in general and why things are the way they are. I even managed to open up to her about my parents, a topic only I shared with Dinah, Ally, and of course my therapist.
I expressed to Lauren my difficulties with accepting that they're gone and how I will never see them again, how if only I had listened to my mom and stayed home that night then they would've never had to go out of their way to have to pick me up from the party. Lauren responded in a vexed tone, disagreeing with me but she didn't disagree because she felt bad for me or because she wanted me to stop crying. It felt as though she disagreed with my words because she truly believed that it wasn't my fault. For the past two years, people have been telling me that I had nothing to do with my parents' death, but their words didn't feel sincere or real. It was as if they only told me these things out of pity.
"Camz, you can't beat yourself up for something you had no control over. Sure you could have stayed home and watched Sofi instead of going to the party, but you didn't choose for your parents' boss to cancel the business trip. You didn't choose for your parents to drive off of that bridge. No one did. You didn't choose for them to die. The truth is, we have no control of people's lives; the only ones we truly have a control of is ours." Lauren went on, "Sometimes the world just has its way of working things and it may not always be in your favor, but you just have to get through them and keep moving forward. Plus, do you actually believe that your parents would be happy right now if they saw their beloved daughter beating herself up like this?" I thought hard about Lauren's words, processing them until I came to a conclusion. Lauren was right. All these years I blamed myself for my parents' death, but I shouldn't have. I couldn't keep living in this hatred and full of blame bubble that I surrounded myself with because it did nothing but tore me into pieces. My mom and dad never liked witnessing me hurt or cry; all they wanted was for me to be happy, so me beating myself up for something I had no control over would definitely be against their wishes.
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Things felt as if they were finally falling into place. Lauren and I even received a 97/100 on the project we did for art class! Mr. Agostoni praised our work but stated how we would've gotten a perfect score if I had done a better job in coloring my art. Lauren didn't think much of it though, she said was okay with the grade we received since it was still an A. She added how the experience of working on the project together was a perfect score in her opinion.
I should probably update you on the girls. Well, first of, Will ended up asking Ally to homecoming on Tuesday. This was no surprise considering they have been dating for almost three years. He asked with a chocolate cake which he baked himself that spelled out, "Homecoming?" in red icing. Of course, Ally said yes. As for Normani, she has been working extra hard on her homecoming campaign. Dinah has also been helping her. Normani's parents even set up a photoshoot for her that went towards creating her very own "Vote Normani for Homecoming Queen" t-shirts. Homecoming is tomorrow night and I couldn't be any more pumped. Since Dinah didn't have a date, she reckoned it would be nice to go with Normani instead, considering Normani was so busy campaigning; she hadn't had the time to find a date of her own. I presume that Lauren is my date. Though she never formally asked me, she did purchase my tickets and addressed that she will pick me up on Saturday night at 7:00 p.m.
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Today was the annual homecoming football game. The five of us girls agreed to go, with Dinah exceptionally excited to see her longtime crush, Jarryd, tackle some guys on the field. I don't know why Dinah doesn't just confess her love to him. I mean, I could understand if she were a stranger to him, but they have literally known each other since 7th grade. Not only that, I always catch him staring at her during lunch, even though Dinah denies it. I think he's waiting for her to make the move. Jarryd's always been shy and quiet so maybe he wants Dinah to make the first move, kind of like how I am with Lauren except we've initiated more than one "first move."
The football game was intense. By the third quarter, the score was tied which made the student section from both sides even rowdier than they already were in the beginning of the game. I actually almost fell off of the bleachers when I stood up to cheer on the team and some boy behind me accidentally collided his fists on my lower back. He apologized and I accepted it, but Lauren gave him a burning glare that I believe is the reason why the boy remained silent for the rest of the game.
The game ended in our school's team's favor with the score being 35-28. Go Bears!
Normani offered for us girls to sleep at her house tonight, but everyone seemed to have other plans. Ally had a bible study early in the morning so she didn't want to be up late tonight. Lauren pointed out how she had to be home before midnight. She said that her parents were out of town for the weekend and they didn't want to leave her siblings, Taylor and Chris, all alone in the house. I couldn't go because I made a promise to Sofi this morning that I would play with her and read her a story before bedtime. So, that left only Dinah spending the night over at Normani's.
As we said our respective goodbyes, Lauren insisted on walking me to my car to be safe even though it was literally ten feet away from the spot where the five of us had departed. Lauren argued that some students get really drunk before, during, and after the games so who knows what could happen if they saw me. Not taking no for an answer, Lauren and I made our way through the parking lot until we reached our destination.
"Today was fun. I had fun, with you." Lauren admitted, casting a small smile on her face.
"I had fun with you too, Lauren."
"I really can't wait to see you tomorrow, Camz. I know you're going to look amazing. Heck, I think you'd look good even if you wore a trash bag."
"Well I don't mean to burst your bubble, but recycled plastic isn't really my style. Plus, I don't think standing next to a girl wearing a trash bag dress would do your pictures any justice." I replied teasingly.
"I beg to differ." Lauren stated, her smile reaching her eyes.
Before we finally said our goodbyes, Lauren planted a small kiss on my forehead and confirmed once more that she was serious about how she couldn't wait to see me again tomorrow. The truth is, I couldn't wait to see her.
Yours Truly,
Camila
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Yours Truly, Camila (Camren Fanfic)
Fanfiction"I guess we're each other's heroes then. You save me when I'm drowning and I'll save you from falling when you can't seem to find your cape."
