Yours Truly, Camila (Camren Fanfic)

March 1, 2015

Dear Friend,

I went to my therapist on today and this time, it was on my own will. Our session went overtime, but my therapist said this was good because it meant that I was opening up about my feelings.

"Camila, can you tell me what's wrong?" she asked.

"There's a lot of things," I told her.

"Why don't you start with how you're feeling about your parents?" she asked, knowing that the death of my parents was the crux of my problems.

"I can't stop thinking about them. I really miss them and I never even got to say goodbye. I know it's been three years and I should probably be over it by now or at least not be so sad about it, but it feels like the accident was just yesterday. It feels like every day that I wake up like I had just lost them yesterday," I admitted, trying to hold my tears at the memory of my parents.

"It's okay to be sad, Camila. They're your parents. You love them and no child should ever have to go through what you had, especially because you were so young. You're still so young."

My tears were now flowing down from my eyes. I couldn't hold them back anymore. My therapist continued, "Can I tell you something though? I know you're the one who's supposed to be sharing, but just hear me out okay?" she asked as I nodded my head. "I never met my parents. I was in foster care until I was 13 and for the longest time, I hated my parents. I asked myself, what did I do that they didn't want to keep me? What was wrong with me?" She continued, "Well, about two years ago, I told myself that hating them is not going to do me any good. That all it will do is consume me."

"You never thought of looking for them?" I asked, curiously.

"I did. Of course, I did. But I never really had the courage to do it. I'd like to think that whatever reason they had, it was a good one. That they loved me and their reason for giving me up was for my own good." She proceeded, looking intently into my eyes, "I know our situations are completely different. But what I'm trying to say is, you might never know the reason as to why things happen or turn out the way they are. But you just have to trust in God or whoever you believe in that things will get better. And the pain may never go away, but that's what makes us human. Our feelings make us human."

"What if they don't get better though?" I asked her, feeling defeated. "I mean look at me. It feels like full circle every time we have our talks, like nothing with me is progressing. I'm still the same depressed girl that first walked in here three years ago."

"Is that what you think?" she asked concernedly. "Well three years ago, you wouldn't even speak to me. I think you have progressed. Progress is progress no matter how little or huge it is."

"I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that they're gone forever," I told her honestly.

"No one is asking you to Camila. The wound in your heart will always be there, but the pain will lessen over time."

I thought a lot about what my therapist told me. How I will probably never get over the death of my parents, but that it will get easier over time. I'd like to think that she's right. I'd also like to believe that there's a reason for everything and maybe I will never know the reason why my parents were not only taken away from me but also from the people that loved them. But this is how the universe works. It's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows. It might beat you down a couple hundred times or even more, but you just have to get back up because like my grandma said, there's always light at the end of the tunnel waiting for you.

Yours Truly,
Camila