Yours Truly, Camila (Camren Fanfic)

April 15, 2015

Dear Friend,

Everything was going great for me. Well, that is until my mood took a complete turn around. The wave of depression hit me again.

It all started this afternoon. I was reading The Fault In Our Stars. Sometimes I get really drawn into the characters to the point where I feel as though I am living their life. Well long story short, I started crying when I got to the part where Augustus Waters dies. And no it wasn't a couple tears running down my face, I was full on crying.

That's not it though. After finishing the book, I started to overthink things, a habit that I should learn to break. My mind was going through a  hundred different places.

I started thinking about Lauren and what the future holds for us. We are very much in love with each other. But the reality of it is, after high school, we're going to be about 800 miles away from each other. I won't see her every day and maybe not even every week.

The negative thoughts started to set it. What if we grow apart? What if Lauren finds someone else whiles being away? What if she goes to college and realizes that she doesn't love me anymore? That she can't do a long distance relationship? Or that she wants something or someone completely different that I can't provide for her?

It was like a game of dodgeball; all the balls coming at me all at once. Except in this scenario, the balls were my thoughts and I couldn't dodge or block them out. My heart started to physically ache and next thing I know, I was laying in my bed, crying profusely. And I couldn't stop. I tried to, but I just couldn't.

I did the only thing that I knew would help lessen the pain. I called Lauren.

"Hey babe, what's up?" she asked.

"Lauren..." I sobbed through the phone.

"Camz? Are you okay?"

"No," I told her truthfully. "I'm scared, Lo."

"What? Scared of what?"

"Scared of what's gonna happen when you leave for college. I'm scared of what's gonna happen to us."

"What do you mean Camz?"

"Like what if college changes you? What if you find someone else? I'm scared that the distance will tear us apart."

"Camila... That's not going to happen. Why would you even think that? You're the only one I want and I love you. Nothing is going to change that. Not even distance."

"I'd like to believe that too Lauren, but I can't help but think that things will change for us when we're hundreds of miles away from each other. And it scares me Lauren because I love you so much and I don't want to lose you."

"Camz, you don't have to be scared, I promise," she continued before hanging up the phone, "I'm on my way to your house right now so stay still, okay baby?"

I waited for Lauren, still sobbing whiles listening to the mixtape she'd made me for Christmas. I must've listened to the songs so much because I could predict what each upcoming song was. Each song hitting me right where it hurts as they were beyond just sounds and words to me.

I managed to get through three songs before I heard a knock on my door.

"Camila?" Lauren's voice called as she knocked on my bedroom door. I told her to come in. "Baby..." she continued, a look of sympathy on her face as her eyes met mine.

"Can you lay with me please?" I begged her as she laid down next to me. Her body curving to match mine; her arms embracing me from behind.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lauren asked as I shook my head. I just wanted to cherish the moment, of her being here. She had my back, literally and figuratively. "I love you, Camila," she added, kissing the spot behind my ear.

We laid on the bed for some time, fixed in the same position; our fingers intertwined as I held her hand close to my heart. The music filled the entire room as my sobs calmed down.

"Lauren," I began. "Can you stay here? Just for tonight?"

"I'll stay here with you for as long as you need me, Camz."

I turned my body to meet her eyes, using my arm as a pillow. "I don't want you to leave me, Lo. And I know that's selfish of me to say, but it's the truth. I don't want us to be states away from each other. I just want you here, with me."

"Camz, I don't want to be away from you either," Lauren replied sincerely as she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I want to be with you more than anything, but you have to believe me when I say that nothing between us will change. I mean yeah it will be difficult, but my feelings for you will remain the same. If there's something that will come between us, distance and college are not gonna be one of them. I'm not gonna let that happen. Plus, I can visit you on the weekends and I'll be back when we have break. You can even visit me too if you'd like."

"Will you call me?" I asked her, still distraught by the idea of us being so far away from each other.

"I'll call you every day, Camz. From the moment I wake up and before I go to bed," she reassured. Lauren got up from the bed and headed towards the door. "Come, I want to show you something."

She lead me downstairs, our fingers entwined with one another. We made our way to the kitchen and finally, the backyard.

"Do you see that star up there?" Lauren asked, pointing up at the sky.

"Which one? There's like a billion out there."

"The brightest one," she pointed again, "right there."

"I see it."

"They call that the Dog Star," Lauren began as she cupped my cheeks and met her eyes with mine. "Listen, if you ever feel lost and lonely, call me. I want you to go outside and look at the sky; look for the brightest one and I'll do the same. I want it to remind you how the world isn't as big as we make it out to be and how we are looking at the same stars in the sky. It'll remind you how we're actually not so far away from each other."

"Well, when you put it that way, I guess we really won't be that far away from each other," I replied.

"Of course not. Plus, you'll always have my heart," Lauren said as she placed my hand over her chest. "As long as you hold on to it, you'll always have me."

"How did you become so intellect?" I asked honestly, a smile finally creeping on my face.

"You're asking me when you're the one with a 4.0," Lauren commented playfully, pulling me closer to her as she kissed my temple.

We went back inside and Lauren suggested watching Wreck-It-Ralph which we did with Sofi. The rest of the night was then filled with cuddles and laughs.

I think I'm starting to accept that depression will always be a part of me, but it doesn't define who I am. There will always be rainy days, but a rainbow will come soon after. Happiness is inside all of us, we just need someone to help us find it. For me, that person is Lauren.

Yours Truly,
Camila