Dear Friend,
First and foremost, I just wanted to apologize for not writing you in over a month. I didn't forget about you; I just been busy. After homecoming weekend, my teachers have been bombarding me with endless assignments and projects. I think the school faculty is punishing the students for inappropriately dancing during homecoming and having the teachers watch through it all. Don't think I'm exaggerating either because ever since then, I noticed that the cafeteria has been serving its tasteless and unwanted sloppy joes a lot lately. Good thing, I pack my own lunch.
Tomorrow is the start of winter break which I'm really happy about. Everyone seems to be stressed at this time of the year with trying to finish up last minute work along with trying to purchase the correct presents for everyone. I started Christmas shopping last week and I think I did pretty well. I bought my grandma a new apron and a cookbook because she enjoys cooking for Sofi and me. I got Sofi this giant teddy bear which I'm really excited to give to her. Normani enjoys doing her hair and makeup so I decided to get her a new eyeshadow palette and some lipstick. I wasn't sure what to buy Ally so I figured she'd appreciate new baking utensils and a $20 gift card to Waffle House. For Dinah, I decided to get her a mini karaoke machine since she loves to sing. I also think it would be a fun activity for all of us girls when we have sleepovers.
I hope I'm not a bad girlfriend for this, but I still haven't gotten Lauren anything. I really want to get Lauren something special, but I just don't know what that is yet. Dinah suggested that I dress up as Mrs. Claus and give Lauren a show, but I think that would be crossing the line. Normani promised me that she will take me to go to the mall tomorrow to look for Lauren's present so I'm looking forward to that.
Lauren spent the day at my house today, something that seems to become weekly and on some occasions even daily ritual for us since we became girlfriends. I told her she could help Sofi and I put ornaments up on the tree. We had our tree up ever since the first day of December, but we hadn't had the time to put up any ornaments.
"I almost forgot, I actually got you something Camz," Lauren pointed out, reaching for something in her purse. The object seemed to be in a shape of a sun. "It's a Christmas ornament with a polaroid photo of us from homecoming. It's in a shape of a sun because you light up my world." I smiled at Lauren's successful attempt at being cute before thanking her.
"That's really cool! Can I see it?" Sofi asked interestedly as I gave her the ornament to inspect.
"Don't worry Sof, I got you something too. I figured I might not see you on Christmas day so call this an early Christmas present," Lauren said which causedSofi's eyes to light up. Lauren pulled something out of her purse once more. The present was nicely wrapped in a red plaid patterned wrapping which Sofi tore apart immediately revealing a Polly Pocket figure set.
"Thank you, Lauren! You're the best ever!" Sofi said as she practically tackled Lauren in a hug. "I'm gonna go play with this right now!" she continued, making her way upstairs to her room.
"How did I get so lucky?" I asked Lauren, trailing my hands behind her hips and resting my cheek on her shoulder.
"It's nothing Camz. I just wanted to do something nice for you guys."
"You didn't have to though. I don't want you to think that you ever have to buy me or my sister things."
Lauren turned around and took the left side of my face with her left hand. "I know that. Just think of it this way, you see, it's like a present to myself too, because seeing you happy makes me happy. And happiness is the best present you could ever give me so if anything, I call it a win-win."
These moments are the moments I cherish with Lauren. Yes, I was very appreciative of her present, but her small gestures and words are what makes me even more thankful that I have someone like her in my life.
I have never been in a relationship before so I don't exactly know what love is, but my mom told me before that when you fall in love, you'll just know it. That it'll be a feeling that you're new to, that might scare you and even be dangerous but it won't matter because what you feel deep inside will triumph all the negative things.
I called Ally when Lauren went left my house. I figured since she's had the most experience with relationships that she'd be the perfect person to ask about love and relationships.
"So, when did you know you were in love with Will?" I asked curiously.
"I don't know Mila. I kinda just knew. We'd spend so much time together that when we were apart, I would miss his presence. It's like, sometimes, it was hard to sleep at night. The fact being that the reality was better than my dreams. When every little thing you experience and see by yourself reminds you of the other person, I think that's how you know you're in love."
"Ally?" I said pausing before I continued, "Do you think I'm in love Lauren?"
"Oh Mila, I can't answer that for you. But by the looks of it, I would say yes." Ally said nonchalantly.
"What? Why do you say that?"
"Everyone who's been around you both together can obviously tell that you're in love with each other. It doesn't take a genius to see that. I mean, the way you guys look at each other and talk about each other, sometimes it makes me envy you guys' relationship!" Ally replied half-jokingly.
"I don't know Ally. I know I really like Lauren but-"
"But you don't want to get hurt. I get it Mila; you've lost people in your life and you're scared to fully open yourself up to Lauren. You're afraid that she's one more person to add on the list of people that you have the possibility of losing and it's going to hurt you even more if you fall in love with her and you do end up losing her," Ally continued, "but that's the beauty of love. You never really know what the outcome will be. You kind of just have to hope that things will work out and if they don't then it becomes a learning experience."
"I don't know. Ever since my parents' death, it's been difficult to let people in. It scares me, Ally. It scares me to think that there's a possibility that someday I could lose the girl that I-," I paused before finishing my sentence, "Lauren."
"Mila, I can't guarantee that Lauren is going to be with you forever, but I think you're already in too deep to get out of this one." Ally acknowledged. I could imagine her smiling from the opposite line before hanging up and saying goodbye.
Am I really in love with Lauren? I mean I practically blurted it out whiles on the phone with Ally. The thought of falling in love scares me, but the fact that if I really am in love with a person like Lauren provides me some relief. Out of anyone I could fall in love with, it would be her. I would like it to be her. When I'm with her, the sky looks different, the grass looks a little greener, the flowers look more alive, and the stars shine a little brighter. What I'm trying to say is, Lauren makes me see the world differently, but in a good way. She makes things seem simpler. I guess when you fall in love someone, things start to make more sense, mornings become easier, and days become shorter. I guess this is one of those things that'll be keeping me up tonight.
Yours Truly,
Camila
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Yours Truly, Camila (Camren Fanfic)
Fanfiction"I guess we're each other's heroes then. You save me when I'm drowning and I'll save you from falling when you can't seem to find your cape."
