The Book Of Fanfictions

56 - Crabbe x Goyle

Crabbe x Goyle

Dear Dumbledore,

"You know what I'm sick and tired of? Those dumb couples people want together so badly. Finn and Rey, Rey and Kylo, Harry and Hermione, and Harry and Draco. All of those are trash. Why does know no one take the time to appreciate the underrated couple Crabbe and Goyle?

Crabbe and Goyle are the bomb. Such underrated anime characters. But what if they were together? Grabbe? Coyle? Goyle? I don't know. But it angers me. Who cares if they don't really have a importance other than being Draco's minions/butlers/sidekicks.

I think they have so much potential. Now I feel really emotional. I never cared about those two guys. What have I been thinking?"

From,
Your boy Bill Weasley

D

umbledore read the letter and gasped. He had recently began some random organization called Ask Dumbledore and at first he had a lot of preteen girls ask him about their cringy crushes. But finally, FINALLY he had a true life question. To top it off, it was from Bill Weasley too.

Dumbledore thought and thought. He himself had never gave any care in the world about Crabbe and Goyle. Whenever they would help bully people with Draco as Dumbledore would secretly watch, he had thought, Dang. Why don't the two other guys with that blonde kid ever do anything? Then he would forget about them.

"Crap," said Dumbledore. "How could I make such a mistake?" He was going to write a letter back to Bill Weasley but suddenly the door flung open. It was Hairy Pothead. "DANG IT HARRY, YOU ALWAYS COME BARGING IN THROUGH DOORS AT RANDOM TIMES!" Yelled Dumbledore. For example, Harry had once barged in while Snape was listening to emo music which started a big adventure.

"Well...I DON'T CARE. YOu SAID CRAP SO THAT'S A SWEAR WORD AND THAT ISN'T APPROPRIATE LANGUAGE MR. DUMBDOOR," said Harry.

Dumbledore felt angry. This little eavesdropper told him he couldn't swear? He was the adult! "HARRY YOU'RE PUSHING MY NONEXISTENT BUTTONS ON MY SHIRT!" Yelled Dumbledore.

"WELL I DON'T CARE. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN KILL ME. VOLDEMORT TRIED AND FAILED LIKE MCLOSER!" Harry yelled back.

"You know what Harry? I've had enough of your crap!" Yelled Dumbledore, saying crap to anger Harry. He then pulled out his wand. "CRUCIO!"

Harry went through the torture thing. Dumbledore left his office and ran, while it happened. As Harry was getting tortured, he yelled, "MOTHER TRUCKER DUDE, THAT HURTS LIKE A BUTTCHEEK ON A STICK!" (Reference)

Little did Harry know that 2- well 4 eyes were watching Harry. No. Not some random creature with 4 eyes. Two different people with 1 set of eyes.

***

Crabbe and Goyle watched the scene unfold. They were right outside Dumbledore's office, looking through the window but not making it look obvious. "Well, dang man. This kid has been tortured for 3 straight minutes," said Goyle. "Do you think McBlonde01 wants us to like help the dude or just go back and report to him the latest sighting?"

"I think we should leave now and tell him what happened. Then, we'll ask if he wants to do something," said Crabbe. And so Crabbe and Goyle did the Naruto run and went to fetch McBlonde01.

He was actually outside, reading aloud a dramatic reading of his latest Top 10 Anime _______. "Number #3. Lucius's pimp stick. It's one of the best anime weapons and-" but then he saw Crabbe and Goyle. "Hang on bros," he said, putting down his journal. "I'll be back."

So he went up to Crabbe and Goyle. "What was he doing? Was he talking about me?!" Whisper-yelled Draco, sounding like a major creep. "Did he confess his love to me? TeLL me CTHEMAN!"

Crabbe grimaced. "No, it was such a horrible thing he was doing."

"Omg what was it?" Whispered Draco.

"McBlonde01, he was getting tortured! By Dumbdoor- I mean Dumbledore," explained Goyle. Draco made a sort of yelling sound. "Is he still getting tortured?!" He yelled by accident.

"Yea..." answered Goyle.

"Well, it's time we save him!" Draco declared. For the first time in anime history, they were going to be the heroes. But as we all know, heroes go through obstacles. Like obsessed fangirls for example.

As they reached Dumbledore's office and barged in, even though the door was already open they got to see a tortured Harry. "OH MY RECESSPUFFS!" Yelled Draco. He was gonna do some sort of spell to help Harry, but a...a thing appeared. I have been worried that this would happen. She wasn't supposed to be here, she was supposed to be completely irrelevant to the story.

"HI GUYS. I'M PANSY," she said.

As Draco screamed, "NOOO!" Goyle suckerpunched Pansy. She fell down and screamed, "I'VE MCFALLEN!" Crabbe decided to help. He kicked Pansy continuously as Draco and Goyle tried to find some sort of way to help Harry.

"He might as well die," said Pansy, surprisingly still alive from Crabbe's kicks. "He's been tortured for like 10 minutes."

But no matter what spell they tried, Draco and Goyle (and a bit of Crabbe) couldn't do anything. They probably made it worse. Suddenly, Dumbledore came in the office.

"WHAT. THE. HECK!" He yelled. "I didn't think the spell would last that long!"

"You're going to Azkaban old man," said Crabbe bravely. "You're murdering the Chosen One." But then Dumbledore did something evil. He looked around first. He closed the door, closed the curtains and got out his wand.

He did Imperio on Crabbe and made him do Avada Kedvra on HARRY! Everyone was shooketh. Harry had just died. Suddenly Hagrid came in too. He was holding handcuffs. "YOU'RE GOING TO AZKABAN NOW DUMBDOOR!" He said.

"B-But I...UGH. Fine! See if I care!" Yelled Dumbledore. Hagrid got the handcuffs and put them in Dumbledore's hands. He then took him away, leaving the 3 guys and 1 dead person in the office alone.

Goyle looked at Crabbe and said, "I've got a bad feeling about this."

A/N: This is gay. I can't believe I never added Crabbe and Goyle for real though. Anyways, this sounds stupid but when I watched Harry Potter with the fam, I couldn't tell which was Crabbe and which was Goyle. I am rETaRdED. But stay tune for the next episode.