Haraya

Chapter 17

AMANDA WILDE

I can hear my phone ringing repeatedly but I remained seated on the floor near my bed. Ilang araw na akong hindi lumalabas ng room ko. I don't even have the drive to attend any of my classes.

I feel like a dead being. I feel numb and I can't think of anything but Emryse and her ugly boyfriend. I almost puked thinking about that guy. I mean, he's so pangit kaya!

What did Ryse like about that Ape-looking guy? My gosh! May problema ba sa beautiful eyes niya? Maybe she needs to consult an optometrist. I think she should wear eye glasses.

Ang labo niya. I thought okay na ang lahat because she is starting to like me. I know she is and I was contented with that. I love her and she likes me. I was really confident that she will love me soon. But everything was ruined because he happened.

I never knew he existed. I had always followed my love since the first time she made my heart beat fast.

I clearly remember that tuesday. The first day of our University days. I was caught stepping on a red string. Dinala nila ako sa Wedding booth. Hindi na ako tumanggi dahil may pera naman ako sa bulsa ng suot kong fitted jeans. I thought of paying nalang.

When we reached the booth, I saw a girl arguing with a booth personnel. Looks like she's trying to get away from her situation. Why not pay nalang? Tss. Annoying. Kuripot.

Nagrereklamo pa siya. Pwede namang magbayad nalang. I was really thinking that she was stupid until I saw her face. Parang tumigil ang mundo ko. Nablangko ang isip ko. For the first time in my whole existence, I felt those butterflies in my stomach.

I smiled the moment her eyes met mine.

Kinabahan pa ako nang bigla siyang mapaupo sa ground. Baka sobrang nagandahan siya sakin? I thought.

Nakaramdam ako ng sobrang inis nang ikasal siya sa iba. Bakit naman kasi parehong plain red string ang naapakan namin? I was planning on not paying pa naman. Bente nalang. Para alam nyo na. I get to kiss her for the first time. Her lips looked so soft kasi.

Noong makaalis siya, nagbayad na din ako. 500 pesos pa.

The second time we met was also memorable. She saved my life.

Ang sarap sa pakiramdam nang yakap niya sa bewang ko kaya kahit nalagay ako sa bingit ng kamatayan, masayang masaya pa din ako.

Ni hindi ko na nga pinansin ang sasakyang muntik nang sumagasa sakin. Ang lakas ng pintig nang puso ko. I wanted her to stay. I want to be with her more. Nang mag umpisa siyang magpedal, wala na akong nagawa kundi ang ihatid nalang siya ng tingin.

While staring at her back, I knew by then, she owns my heart. My soul. My whole being.

Ang saya ko nang maramdaman ko ito. It was my first time. I never felt like this with my ex boyfriends and flings kaya ginawa ko lahat para mapansin niya.

Nakakainis minsan kasi isa pa siya sa mga taong hindi nagkakandarapa sakin. Sana isa nalang siya sa mga taong gustong gusto akong kaibiganin.

It would be a lot easier for me to make her fall in love if that was the case.

Wala akong pakialam kung sa babae ko ito naramdaman. Ang mahalaga lang naman sakin, mahal ko siya.

It hurt me knowing she does not feel the same for me. I do not really have any idea as to why she cannot love me back.
Palagi nalang niya akong iniiwasan at sinasaktan.

Akala ko, sinasabi lang ni Ryse na may boyfriend siya to make me stop from following her around. Hindi ko inakalang totoo ang lahat.

"Maghanap ka ng taong kaya kang mahalin, Amanda. W-wag—Wag kang manlimos ng pagmamahal."

Hearing those words made my world crumble. Parang tumigil sa pag inog ang mundo ko. My heart stopped beating. Parang gusto kong kapain yon at pisilin kasi sobrang sakit na. It felt like someone was tearing it apart slowly.

Bakit naman ako maghahanap ng taong kaya akong mahalin kung nasa kanya ang puso ko?

Ang sakit malaman na ang tingin niya sakin, nanlilimos ng pag ibig. But for the love of Emryse, pinanindigan ko yung sinabi niya. I begged her for it. Ibinaba ko yung pride ko. I have never begged anyone for love. Siya lang.

When she turned her back at me, halos manlambot ako. I was crying hard. Gusto kong magwala. Hindi ko malaman kung paano ko tatanggalin ang libu-libong karayom na nakatusok sa puso ko. Kung pwede lang sigurong tanggalin ang heart ko, I will.

Alam ko na mahal ni Emryse ang lalaking iyon. I saw love in her eyes whenever she's with him.

I wasn't coincidentally in the same place where they were that fateful day. I followed Ryse, the moment she left the school. Nakita ko kung paano yumakap ng mahigpit ang taong mahal ko sa lalaking minamahal niya. Ang sakit. Sobra. Sana ako nalang ang nasa posisyon ng Gio na yon. Ano kaya ang pakiramdam ng mga braso ni Emryse na nakapulupot sa bewang ko?

I was silently wishing for that time to come. Yung kusa na siyang yayakap sakin. Maybe that would be the happiest moment of my life. A dream come true.

Is that even possible?

I want to cry more just by thinking that my wish will never be granted.

Mugto na ang mga mata ko sa kakaiyak. Ngayon lang ako nagmahal. I thought, love is the happiest feeling a human will have. True. But it will also bring you excruciating pain. Natuturuan naman ang puso, diba?

Can't I just teach her heart to love me?

Although what happened that night broke me really bad, gusto ko pa ring maniwala na kaya akong mahalin ni Emryse. Tama. Baka nagkamali lang siya noon. I mean, I am a lot better than Gio. Oo. I'm beautiful while he looks terrifying. He looks like Caesar kaya. The one from the movie, Planet of the Apes.

With that thought, I hurriedly stood up and took some clean clothes from my closet. I took a bath and put make up on.

I need to be beautiful. Napatitig ako sa mukha ko. My eyes are so puffy. I look horrible. Argh! Bahala na. Mawawala din naman yan mamaya. I hope so.

As soon as I finished fixing myself, I left the house and drove to a cafe. I bought a cheesecake for her. Her favorite.

I smiled nang manuot sa nose ko ang amoy nito. Alam ko na magugustuhan niya ito.

I looked at my wristwatch and smiled again. It's 11:45 am. Malapit na ang lunch break niya. I can drive a bit faster para masundo ko pa siya sa classroom.

15 minutes after, nasa floor na ako kung saan ang room nila. My heart beat fast when I heard people screaming. Sa room nila mismo.  What's happening?

Tinakbo ko ang silid aralan nila at binuksan ang pinto. Nag aalala ako. Why are they so loud?

Pagbukas na pagbukas ko nang pinto ay natulala ako sa nakita. No one noticed me. They're focused on what is happening in front of them. Damn. Damn. Damn.

I dropped the box I was holding.

"Yes."

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01-17-18