Haunting Memories

Chapter XXIX

Ben's POV:
I landed the X-Wing in the hangar, immediately undoing my restraints and climbing down from the cockpit. There were excited cheers filling the hanger, the Resistance enthralled to have such a victory over the First Order. But I was deaf to their excitement, only one thought lingering on my mind.

Weaving my way through other pilots dismounting their ships, I ran from the hanger and into the main base. Focused on finding (y/n), I almost ran into someone, but managed to stop myself before collision, realization hitting me that I looking down upon my mother. I hadn't seen her since arriving on the base, making me suspicious that she had been purposely avoiding me. This separation caused me to take a double take when I realized it was her.

"Ben," she spoke with a smile, reaching out to take my hand. "You do not know how grateful we are that you fought along side the Resistance, you have helped us more than we can communicate. I apologize for not speaking to you earlier, but your uncle told me how hard it was for you to adjust to this new life so I figured the best thing I could do was give you some space."

I ignored what she was saying and demanded, "do you know where (y/n) is?!"

"Oh," she exclaimed, apparently shocked by my abrupt and unrelated response. "I believe she went to the med bay with her wounds."

My eyes widened at my mother's words, immediately fearing the worst, but I nodded politely and muttered, "thank you."

She grabbed my arm, preventing me from running off and said, "Ben, please, I would really like to talk."

"Later, not now," I replied, extracting my arm from her grip and sprinted down the halls of the base.

Hearing my mother tell me that (y/n)'s wounds were bad enough to be sent to the med bay scared me. I knew she would have gotten hurt, but I didn't want to face the reality of it. Due to the adrenaline fueled by my concern, I arrived at the med bay in only a few minutes and burst inside, scanning the room for any trace of (y/n).

To found her sitting up on a bed with a med droid examining her wounds. She had changed out of our disgustingly bright orange jumpers and was now in a thin gown that allowed the medical droids more freedom to work. She looked up as she heard me coming and gave me a large smile.

"(Y/N), how did you survive the crash?! I was so worried that I had lost you!" I cried out, pushing the med droid out of the way and wrapping my arms around her. Feeling her physically in my arms gave me an assurance that she was truly there and she wasn't just a figment of my imagination.

"When my ship was hit I ejected myself then rolled out of the way before the ship could crash on top of me," she replied in my ear, neither of us wanting to pull away from the embrace. "After that I fought my way back to base so that I could get equipped for being a ground soldier. It's not all that easy blending into the surroundings in a bright orange jumper, I'll tell you that much. Unfortunately, when I got back to base Leia overreacted and sent me to the med bay."

I immediately pulled away and scanned her body to see how see the scars that marred her body and asked, "how bad were you wounded?"

"It really wasn't all that bad, Ben, Leia was merely overreacting," she assured me, but based on what I could see that wasn't actually the case. "I got a few scratches, but that was about it. Although that is partially because of you showing up to help me out when I was surrounded. You may have saved my life and I thank you for that."

"(Y/N), I still don't understand why you were part of that fight in the first place. They are not only risking your life but also the life of our child, you shouldn't be put in such danger."

"Ben, I made a promise to fight for them, I can't just break it. If I did who knows what would have happened to us-"

"But if you told them-"

"Do you really think that would change anything? Simply because I'm carrying a child doesn't mean they would give up one of their force sensitives, especially in one of the most important battles they are going to fight."

"I still don't understand why you haven't told anyone. You may be right and it won't change anything, but then again it might prevent me from losing both of you."

She sighed and hesitantly confessed, "honestly I'm scared. I'm scared that our child will not make it, I'm scared that I won't be able to be a good enough mother for them, I'm scared that the entire base will treat me as though I am incapable of everything simply because I'm pregnant. I know you probably don't understand and I know that they will find out eventually, but I-I don't know if I'm ready for everyone to know yet."

"(Y/N), you don't need to be scared about any of this. Our child is strong and will survive, you needn't worry about that with you as their mother. And as for your parenting skills, you are the most compassionate and loving woman I have ever met, I have no doubt that you will make the most amazing mother. Once this war is over, we can go to some distant planet and you and I can be a family in peace, I promise you that," I assured her, placing a kiss upon her lips.

"Sir, I don't mean to interrupt, but we would like to check your wound from the other day to make sure it is healing properly," a med droid spoke, interrupting our kiss.

I sighed as I unzipped the bright orange jumper and removed the shirt I was wearing beneath it, revealing a scar that I had received during training three days ago. It had been healing nicely and I had been cleared to continue training, but the cut was deep enough that it was still a bit of a concern.

Once the med droid determined that it looked as though it had almost completely healed, it rolled away, leaving (y/n) and I alone again. I chose not to go through the hassle of redressing, instead pulling (y/n) close to my bare chest and kissing the top of her head.

"You know, I was so frightened that I had lost you when your plane went down," I confessed, my mind wandering back to seeing the ship fall out of the sky. "The emptiness that filled my heart and the pain, it was something I never want to feel again. It was as though I had lost everything I had ever treasured, everything that I had fought for in my life. I promise never to let myself feel that way again, I will protect you under any circumstance."