Haunting Memories

Chapter XXI

Your POV:
"She has been there all night?" I heard a familiar voice ask, stirring me from my sleep.

"According to Jaspar, he heard a scream come from her room and then a few minutes later she came out and demanded to be taken to the med bay to see Ren," I heard my day time guard, Annor, reply.

"I know that he was Kylo Ren, but you should start referring to him as Ben Solo. If he wakes up, we'll be starting his transition back to the light and we don't want to be constantly reminding him of who he was when fooled by the darkness," Luke requested of Annor, before walking over to where I sat.

As I opened my eyes and adjusted to he bright lights of my surroundings, I realized that I was still in the med bay, Ben's hand in mine. I must have fallen asleep while sitting by his side, for the first time in weeks not plagued by nightmares. It must have been Ben's soothing effect on me, he protected me from my routine nightmares.

"(Y/N), I was wondering where you had gone to, why did you sleep here when you have a bed to sleep in, which I must assume is far more comfortable than this chair," Luke spoke to me, noticing that I had awoken.

"I-I couldn't sleep," I admitted, stretching out my stiff body. "I had another nightmare and since I couldn't fall back to sleep in my room, I figured I might as well go see Ben. Apparently, his presence is able to ward off the nightmares."

Luke looked at me curiously, as though trying to figure out why that was the case, but he quickly changed expression and informed me, "well, if you have the desire to come back and visit him, you no longer need permission from your guards."

"What are you saying?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

"I have spoken to Leia and we both agree that you can be trusted not to betray us. From now on, you won't need these cuffs or to be secluded in your room. You're welcome to go eat your breakfast in the mess hall with the rest of the Resistance. But I still will need you back in your room in an hour so that we can train."

My eyes widened in shock as he removed the cuffs from my wrists, a sense of freedom washing over me. Luke gave me a reassuring smile as he left the med bay. I couldn't quite believe that the day had actually come that I had earned the trust of the Resistance. Part of me feared that I would give into the darkness still constantly trying to seduce me, thus betraying their trust. But it did feel liberating to be accepted into this organization.

"I suppose I should go get that breakfast, but I promise to visit you again later," I informed Ben, bringing myself out of my thoughts and pressing my lips against his forehead. After one last longing look at his resting face, praying that he would awake soon, I finally left his side and made my way down to the mess hall, following my former guard.

When I walked into the room, I felt everyone's eyes on me. I heard their suspicious whispering and saw the wary look in their gaze. Despite this, I tried to convince myself that I was simply imagining it, but their thoughts were too loud for me to shut out. They feared me, they were afraid I would turn on them, they felt that Luke had made the wrong decision in bringing me to the base.

Knowing that not a single person in the room trusted me, I sat alone at a table so not to face the humiliation of being turned down after requesting to sit with a group of soldiers. I had lost my appetite and simply sat playing with my food as I wished desperately that I was still being treated like a prisoner, at least then I didn't feel quite as left out. It was one thing to be forced to be alone as a safety protocol and another to simply be shunned by everyone around you.

"Hey, (y/n), Luke just told me that you've been given permission to hang out with the rest of us," I heard a female voice speak as Rey approached the table I was sitting at with a large smile on her face. "Do you mind if I join you?"

I gave her a confused look as a response, "I don't understand why you'd want to, I tried to kill you the last time we met."

"Well, that was different, you were merely following orders. I don't plan on holding it against you, everyone should be given a second chance," she assured me, shocking me with her forgiveness. "Besides, Luke is going to have us start training together, so I might as well get to know you a bit. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

"There isn't much to tell, to be honest," I responded, turning back to my untouched food.

"(Y/N), you were the apprentice of Kylo Ren, surely that can't have been an uneventful life."

"Well, I am still piecing together my past, but I was raised by my mother, my father having left her alone to care for me when he discovered she was pregnant. She realized I was force sensitive at a young age and then I went with Luke to train under him. While there, I made a few friends, but I don't recall ever really standing out in the group, which I suppose turned out to be beneficial for me considering Ben didn't realize I was missing when he destroyed the temple. I was with my ailing mother at the time, having been sent home by Luke so that I could be there for her in her final moments. While I was there, the planet was attacked by the beginnings of the First Order and as a result, my mother was killed and I was kidnapped and put into the stormtrooper program. Since then, I have been raised to kill and serve the First Order faithfully. I began to realize I was different, I had a power that no one else seemed to have, but I didn't know what it was. Instead, I kept it to myself until Ben discovered it and was ordered by Snoke to make me his apprentice. While he trained with me, we began to develop feelings for one another and have fought for the First Order side by side."

"You call him Ben, why is that?" Rey asked me curiously as she ate her breakfast, intently listening to my story.

"Because that's who he truly is. He may appear this frightening monster, but he is just a boy who has suffered greatly and just wants to find some place where he can be happy. I hope that I have given him that, he truly doesn't deserve all of the pain."

"While I'm sure that-" Rey began, but was interrupted by two men approaching the table. One was a young Caucasian man with dark curly hair and deep brown eyes and the other was black with dark hair and eyes.

"Rey, aren't you going to come over and sit with us?" The curly haired man asked her.

"Of course, you can sit here if (y/n) doesn't mind," she replied, looking over at me to make sure it was alright. I gave her a nod, although I could tell that these men trusted me just as much as everyone else in the room.

"Rey, are you sure you want to sit with her?" I heard the other man whisper in her ear, but pretended not to notice it.

"Finn, don't worry about it, if Luke says that she's not a threat than I am going to believe him. The best thing we can do right now is help her feel welcome," Rey responded, making me rather happy that someone was fighting on my behalf.

Although still uncertain, the two men sat down at the table anyway and introduced themselves to me. The curly haired one was named Poe Dameron, the Resistance's best pilot and the other Finn, a former stormtrooper that had defected. I find it rather odd that I hadn't known about his betrayal to the First Order, but figured that they had probably wanted to keep it as quiet as they could to avoid others from doing the same.