Haunting Memories

Chapter XXVII

Your POV:
It had been a week since Ben woke up from his coma and Luke had been spending that time helping him transition from the dark side. Although Luke wasn't confident he would be able to resist the temptations of the dark side alone, he had agreed that Ben was healthy enough to leave the Resistance base. To be completely honest, I was dreading this day, not wanting to have to part ways with the man I loved.

I had yet to tell him that I wasn't going to come with him to his new home, afraid that he would refuse to leave if I were to tell him. I didn't want him having to go through the emotional distress of remaining at the Resistance base simply because I had made a deal with Luke to turn to the light and aid their fight against the First Order. Instead, I was going to surprise him and hope that, by not giving him time to think about it, he would choose what is best for him.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked him with a smile, putting my hand in his and squeezing it slightly.

"I still can't believe you convinced Skywalker to let me go, I was expecting to go from a tool of the dark side to a tool of the light. I owe you everything, (y/n)," Ben replied, making me feel a bit guilty as to what I was about to do to him.

Concealing that guilt, I gave him a smile and informed him, "I must confess that it took a bit of convincing before Luke finally agreed and he actually took it up with your mother, but we all know that it isn't right to push you into something that you are not comfortable doing. I know that Luke was hopeful that you would be redeemed, but honestly I think you have been. Perhaps you are not on the light side, but you are no longer on the dark either. You have found a beautiful balance and I think that is something to be proud of."

"Yeah well, I don't think the Resistance wants a balance, they only want those who are committed to the light side."

I shrugged, "I'm trying to find that balance as well and their still keeping me around so clearly all they want is someone to fight on their side, regardless of their allegiances with the force."

"What do you mean?" Ben asked in confusion, looking back at me as he stepped up onto the loading ramp of the transport he was to travel on.

Realizing what I had said, I feigned ignorance, "hm? What do you mean what do I mean?"

"(Y/N), don't try to play these tricks on me, you know what you've just said. The Resistance is keeping you around? How is that possible if you are coming with me to-" he broke off as his eyes met mine, realization washing over me.

I bit my lip and looked down at the ground, "I-I'm sorry Ben, I know I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid that you would change your mind about leaving."

"But I don't understand why you are staying here, why are you leaving me, (y/n)? Why are you choosing to fight? Why are you putting our child at risk?" He asked, his voice getting more frantic with each question and I had to look around to make sure no one had heard about the child.

"Ben, don't say that so loud, no one knows I'm pregnant, except for you. I know I won't be able to keep it a secret for long, but I'm not quite ready for everyone to know yet," I confessed, having a fear that people would treat me different if they knew I was carrying a child. I supposed sometimes it would be good for them to know, but I also didn't want people to treat me as though I was weak and couldn't defend myself simply because I was pregnant.

"I don't care who knows it, I will announce it over the base intercom if that means you will tell me why you are leaving me! I thought you loved me, (y/n), wasn't that why you joined the Resistance in the first place?! Or was it all a lie?!"

"Ben, please don't get upset with me, I had no choice. Wh-when I brought you here I made a vow to align myself with the Resistance. I promised I would fight for them in order to save your life. And now I can't break that promise, I have to stay here. The only thing I can do is know that you are safe, please understand, Ben. When this war is over I will come find you, I promise."

Ben shook his head, "how can you promise that when you don't know if you'll die in the fight?! (Y/N), why didn't you tell me about this sooner?!"

"I was afraid that you would decide you didn't want to leave me, I did what I had to do that you would make the decision to be safe. Please, Ben, don't worry about me, I can defend myself and I will return to you, I promise," I pleaded, tears filling my eyes at my desperation.

"I-I can't leave you, (y/n), no matter what I have to do to stay by your side. You have sacrificed everything to save my life, how can I repay that by running away? If you are to fight for the Resistance, then so am I."

"Ben, no, please don't do this to me," I shook my head, stepping away from him. "You don't know what you're agreeing to, you'll have to serve alongside your family, you'll have to be taught in the light side of the force. Everything that you aren't prepared to face you will have to, I don't want to be the cause of that."

"Do you seriously think that I wouldn't do anything within my power to keep you and our child safe, to keep you close to me? I don't care how hard it will be to finally face my mother after all of these years, after killing her husband, I would do it in a heartbeat to remain by your side," Ben assured me, pulling my close to him. "I cannot say goodbye to you, that would be the most difficult thing for me to do."

"Ben are you sure about this, you won't get another opportunity-"

Before I could even finish the question, he gave me his response by leaning down and pressing his lips against mine. Although angry at him for putting himself through emotional torture simply to remain by my side, I felt myself responding to the kiss, tears still sliding down my cheeks. He held me close to him as his tongue began to explore my mouth, my hands running through his gorgeous dark hair.

A cough broke us apart, making us realize that Luke had approached the transport, "once you two are done saying goodbye, the ship really does need to be taking off soon."

"It can take off whenever it would like, uncle," Ben replied, but not taking his eyes off of me. "I'm not going anywhere, not unless (y/n) is with me. So unfortunately you're stuck with me for a bit longer."