trust issues

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Life's hard when you always losing
Seeking within for the will to keep pushing
Meditate and eat the word the preacher said
God will work it out in the end
So do I have to die to know what it is to win
Remember what God told yah
You are more than a conqueror
You will win the war
I am battle scared and worn
Is this what my past has prepared me for
Digging deep, seeking my own dry roots
No longer knocking on another's door
Not going back
I don't want or need that
Constantly looking over my shoulder
I seek what's only mine
Needing to water the seeds that give me life
Killing those things that give me pain and strife
No longer reacting but taking control of my life
Questioning if I'm going against the grain
Dear God I need you to take the reigns
I'm so tired of doing it my way
You promised me it is the time
So why does it feel as if I'm dying

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