The Love Experiement

Promise to Momma

My God…

  Every time I heard her on the other end her voice was like a fishing line pulling me in. Pure joy in her voice. Giving you the latest on her new recipe or the cake that just came out of the oven. Man, she was always into something, in this she reminded me of my kids.

  No sooner than I could think it, she was giddy asking bout them. They were her babies; I could feel her pride oozing through the holes of the phone. My run down came of our week. Taking a deep breath, I finally asked her how she was doing. A silence passed between us till she finally said, "I'm okay..."

  But her tone had changed. She informed me of her doctor appointments, more to calm her own nerves than mine. Quickly changing the conversation to preparing for her end. I asked for that ring I'd been eyeing for years. I knew that would maker her laugh - she said she was taking all her jewelry with her.

  Another silence passed between us.

  “Baby,” - she sighed heavily. Her tone took me back to the womb and instantly I became nostalgic with the scent of her perfume in my nose.

“Yes.”, I muffled purely because I was putty in her hands.

“Just try baby... If you don't do anything else at least try and don't ever be afraid to go after what makes you happy. I can't say I have one friend other than God and the man I married. My kids are my rewards and this... exactly where I am, is my pedal stool. I spent many years crying tears, fighting insecurities, wanting so badly for someone to accept the woman I wanted to become. But baby…”
-Another silence passes between us..

.
  “The world aint pretty”, she chuckles slightly aware of the over used statement.

“People rarely take the time to get to know you, some only remember who you once were, and too many lie, steal, cheat, connive, and divide simply because they love to hate you. Now don't take it literal you could be me - the one difference is that I'm happy every day of the week, and I…”

-Another silence passes between us…

“I am dying. I cope with dabilating pain and the fact that my husband will out live me every day and his kids won't even think to come see about him and they stay down the street. They are fully aware of our situation and needs, but when we call...um, that's why you are on speed dial.”

We laugh together, but the moment of silence in between brought a heaviness to my heart I am still unable to explain. She continues with cracklings between her words. I knew she was fighting her tears at this point

“Baby, they are our kids, so just imagine what these out here that ain't your blood will do to yah. Life gets harder as you get older. You want to include and keep those in your life that motivate and encourage you. Not those intending to break and bend you. Are you hearing me!!”

- “Yes”, I stated.