Colors// Mike Chang Glee

Broken

"What happened?" I couldn't talk and I felt like I couldn't move. I've felt this type of uncontrollable pressure before. This was my anxiety attack. I burst out crying and I ran out of the room before I could even answer my poor beaten up brother. 

I gasped for air as my feet hit the floor with a pang of sharp pain shooting through my legs with every step. I stopped and collapsed in the bathroom. I locked the door, since it was a single bathroom and the tears exploded down my face. I grabbed fistfuls of hair in frustration. How could I do this? I want my brother back but I never knew how badly the pain of telling and breaking his heart about what happened would be. This was all my fault. How could I do this? 

Run away. Running away from my issues won't fix the problem I won't get anywhere by doing that. I just left him clueless there, I should be strong for him. I should be there for him. I just don't want him seeing how badly I'm hurt, that'll only make this worse. Make him feel even more guilty. I gasped for air as the empty room echoed my loud sobs.

I pulled at the root of my hair and banged my head against my knees. I took a deep breath, feeling the heat and the burn of my tears streaming down my face, as I wiped them away as harshly as possible, as if it'll make me feel better, make me stronger. I made my way to the sink and I stared back at my reflection. I couldn't help but cringe at my appearance. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot, my face was pink and puffy, with rub marks on my cheeks from scrubbing the tears off them, and my lip was bleeding again from biting back all the pain I've been holding back. How is it possible to be so broken, and yet still be alive?

I sighed and splashed cold water on my face. I turned the water off, not daring to look myself in the eye again. I began to cry again. I bit my bloody lip and stopped myself. I growled under my breath. I was full of anger, sadness, regret. I was weak. No matter how much of a badass I look like I'm not. It's my superheroes mask, helping me get through the day, helping me pretend I'm more confident. I'm weak.

I gritted my teeth together and slammed my fists on the edge of the sink. I felt pain shoot through my veins and up my arms, tugging at the nerves around my heart. It felt as if my heart could be pulled apart at that very moment. I fell to the ground in pain, grasping my hands in each other, feeling the vibration run through my palms. I was leant up against the wall again, but this time dry eyed. I blinked away the blur, and stared back at the blank wall on the other side not the room.

"Why am I such a fuck up" I whispered to myself, hearing my hoarse yet broken voice, alarming myself, suddenly aware I was hurt.

I sniffled and stood back up ignoring the pain in my hands and legs, and my lip. I stood back up, washing my face thoroughly before looking back at my reflection. I bit the inside of my cheek this time. I wiped away the fresh red substance lingering on my bottom lip with a paper towel and pulled my hair up into a messy bun. I sighed and closed my eyes. I opened them and stared at myself in the mirror. I took deep breaths as the red from my eyes went back to normal. 

Next thing I knew my hand was on the handle and I was walking down the white hallway. I walked up to Andy's room door and hesitantly knocked. I sucked in a deep breath, pretending I was ready for what was behind that door. When in fact I wasn't.

The door swung open and I was greeted by a dark skinned nurse wearing blue scrubs that held a clipboard. He looked at me and let me in, I guess he could just tell I was meant to be here. He let me in and I stared at the bed that held my now awaken brother. The bruise on his cheek had spread to under his eye making a few of his veins turn dark red from probable irritation.

"Autumn" I heard his hoarse voice. I bit my bloody lip again and ran up to him embracing him in a bone crushing hug."Aut-" he tried to say but I was hurting him. I gasped and let go."I'm sorry" I apologized. I had a bad tendency of hugging him and hurting him now. I was never used to this because he was always the one to hug me so tightly I would nearly be unconscious.

"Andy..." I trailed off shifting my gaze from his beaten face to his hand. Andy's gaze followed and he glanced over at his hand in disgust and back to look me in the eye."I know" he winced like it pained him to even speak like he was."I know" he said again in an aspirated tone.

"I just need you to know" I gulped down the tightness in my throat, preventing me from speaking."This isn't your fault" I said in a breathy tone. I lifted my mouth up into an apologetic half smile.

"I know" he said. I didn't know if I believed him or not. But it was Andy here. He would never lie to me, right?

"I need all of you to wait in the hall if that's okay. We need to do more tests to make sure everything about Andrew is stable" I heard an Australian accent come from behind me. I turned as I recognized the first doctor I saw the first time I came here. I furrowed my eyebrows swallowing away the lump in my throat and sighing. I kissed Andy's forehead and walked out. I hadn't even realized my dad and Mike were still in the room.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" my Dad asked as the door shut. He embraced me in a warm hug. I sniffled and nodded my head against his shoulder."Oh shit" I gasped for air ripping away from my dad to look at Mike."Your parents are gonna kill me" I slapped a hand across my forehead at how stupid I am."Shit, shit, shit" I breathed pacing the halls."Hey..." Mike took me into his arms. 

It was a strange sensation. His arms wrapped around me. I felt... safer."I will explain what happened. It's all good" I felt the vibration off his throat and into my hair. It's like Mike was my medicine. All I needed to be stable. Maybe the doctors should've run some tests on me and not Andy to see if I was okay. I wasn't until now. It was like Mikes warmth, his voice, he scent. It was all soaking into my veins in that brief minute, before he decided to break away. A sudden pang of guilt ran through me.

I was allowing myself to have a good time while Andy, who just woke up from his coma, was in a coma for crying out loud. I'm useless, I'm a horrible sister. He needs me, he doesn't have anyone but me and Dad. I can't choose Mike over Andy. Even though I'm trying to fight these feelings I have towards Mike. It's hard this time. It's different too. I've never had to work this hard to push  someone away. It's just... different this time.

This is the first time Autumn has actually even admitted she's falling in love with Mike. Ohhhhhhh. I really do hope you guys like what your reading. And thank you for 1k, it means a lot to me. I am sorry these chapters have been inconstant but I am trying. I love y'all!

-V