The windows were open wide, warm summer wind blowing through the house. Curtains flapped as the wind picked up, Judiths giggling echoed throughout the silent house, along with the hiss of flames from the stove. Carls sleeves were rolled up as he laid out each one of the rolls onto a tray. Water was popping as it boiled, the bubbles creating a soft rumble.
He smiled to himself as he saw Judith stumble through the living room. She took her first steps a few days ago. Michonne was playing with her while Carl sat and picked up her crayons. She looked up at him and smiled before pushing away and stepping towards him. She tripped and stumbled before falling into his open arms. Carl didn't notice he was crying until a tear fell into her hair and she squirmed away. Rick missed it, he spent days complaining about it, but it was a joke. All three of them knew that Rick wasn't her dad, Shane was her dad, genetically, and Carl raised her. What Rick was doing probably counted as "busting balls" or something. Thats what Negan would say, at least.
"Judy.." Carl called. "You wanna come help me cook?" He asked. She stared at him wide eyed before grabbing onto the couch and walking towards him. Carl laughed to himself and walked over, picking her up. She clung to his chest as he carried her. She babbled into his chest, tugging on his hair and it made his heart ache. "Okay.." He set her down on the counter. "I'm making us mac and cheese, your favorite."
She smiled, clapping. She reached up for him again and his smile grew so wide that his cheeks hurt. Judith was the good thing, the one good thing in this horrible world, and Carl would die before he let anything hurt her.
He turned around and pulled the oven open, setting the tray inside. He turned around and picked up a knife, tracing the edge with his finger. "Now, Judith, knives are bad, never touch one, okay?" She stared at him, like always, and he just continued to speak. "You're never allowed to touch any weapon, ever, they are all bad." Carl knew what holding guns and knives did to him, he didn't want the same happening to her.
Carl held a knife loosely as he cut different vegetables, praying he didn't mess up and cut hia hand. He had lost his eye months ago, but he still wasn't used to the loss of his depth perception. It was so screwed up and it frustrated him horribly. He ran into things and people. It took him weeks of practicing with a target to fix his aim when he shot a gun.
Carl set the knife down and stopped when he saw his reflection in the blade. He hated what he saw. Knotted hair and white bandages. Split lip and bruises decorating his face. Holding the knife was different, though, he didn't have to see himself when he held it. Holding the knife was comforting and in a way felt normal. Before the walkers normal. When he cooked dinner he could pretend thats all that was happening. That the only time he held a knife was to cut different foods and not to stab people in the head, alive and dead.
Engines revved outside, engines too big and too loud to be from their own cars. Carl grabbed Judith and pulled her into his chest. He held her tight with one arm, picking up the knife with the other. Slowly, he walked towards the door, turning the knob and pulling it open. Carl began to plan an escape, knowing that for them it could only be worst case scenario, because thats all they ever truly got. Bad things.
Negans voice echoed through the neighbourhood. "Relax!" He shouted, a chuckle bubbling out of his chest. "I'm just here for a little vacation. You know, its tiring bashing in skulls!"
Carl set the knife down on the table outside, kissing Judys head. "Go play." He mumbled, walking back inside and kicking the door shut. He set her down on the floor before walking into the kitchen. He took a few deep breaths, digging his nails into the counter in an attempt to hold him up.
Negan and him were nothing. But they were also something. Hidden, feverish kisses and biting. Nails scratching and hair pulling. Silence and words filled with venom and hate. They were bad. And Carl didn't want Judith around anything bad.
