Stars were one of the only constants Carl was able to have. They moved so often that even after months in Alexandria he lived in fear. The walkers were another constant, but they were never a positive one.
The solar system was something Carl had loved since he was a kid. He read each and every book his school had in the library about it and when the walkers began to attack, he brought his favorite solar system book with him. Now, the book was tattered and partially chewed on. It had became Judith's but she was still too young to read it. Carl gave it to her early, though, because even living wasn't a constant. People died no matter how safe they were.
Looking at the stars was something Carl did each night. He would pull back his curtains and angle his bed just right so he could see as many as possible. Rick had even brought him several different telescopes for him to use. Some were outdated and some were broken, but Carl would still press his eye to it and try to look at the galaxies that surrounded their planet.
The grass beneath him was cool and so was the air that rushed around the trees. The open field was one Negan and him had often snuck off to. Carl didn't like Negan anywhere near his home and Negan felt the same. It was a silent agreement. Now wasn't the time for them to be too close. But Carl was young. His mind wandered past all of the kissing and hidden touches. He wanted more.
"Do you think in another world we would be together?" Carl asked.
Beside him, Negan stirred. He sat up and looked at Carl, his eyebrows raised. "What?"
"There are several galaxies. Several upon several upon several. There has to be another world. One like this one..." Carl looked at Negan. "Do you think we would be together in it?"
"Kid..." Negan shook his head, part of his hair blowing in front of his face. He was pale beneath the moonlight. "You're on thin ice."
"I'm not asking to marry you. I just want to know. If the world was normal, would we have found each other?" Carl looked back to the sky. The idea wasn't all that crazy. Rick always says he would have found Michonne.
"I don't think the world would be kind to any version of us, kid." Negan looked up at the sky, combing his hair back. "Think we are such a dirty little secret that whatever the hell runs this show won't let us be that close."
"So, you think we are reduced to this no matter what?"
"You're young. I'm a teacher. Those two don't mix." Negan shook his head. "I'm not saying it's fair. I'm just saying the cards will never be in our favor."
Slowly, Carl's fingers brushed across Negan's. "Do you want it to be that way?" He whispered. No one was around but Carl wasn't even sure if he wanted Negan to hear it.
"You're pushing it." Negan replied. He didn't move his hand away. "It would be nice. If you and I could see each other. Wouldn't have to go out of our way to hide it. But... I think that's a part of us. No one said we were a good pair. We're just a real one. Grimy and dirty and real." Negan looked at Carl. "We're the worst kind of reality there is, kid. That's why we wouldn't be together."
"I want us to be." Carl whispered. "I know you don't want it and I know I'm crossing every line you have drawn but God, I want it. And you can't tell me you don't want it too because if you didn't you wouldn't have danced around your answer. But you did." Carl leaned in close, their noses touching. Negan's eyes sparkled like there were galaxies trapped inside of him. "Tell me you don't want it."
Negan swallowed, his eyes locked on Carl's. He shook his head and leaned away. "Damn it, kid. This won't end well."
"I never said it would. I'm just saying I want you. And you want me. So, why shouldn't we allow ourselves that?" Carl questioned. "If every other version of us gets to be something, why can't we?"
"It's dangerous."
Carl wasn't sure what part of them he was referring to. The war. The death. The love. The age. "Negan..." Carl leaned in again, his lips ghosting over Negan's. "Everything in this world is..." His eyes fluttered closed and his voice lowered. "We might as well allow ourselves to enjoy something."
