"He stole my hat, Negan, I had a reason to deck him." Carl was pacing up and down the length of the room, his hands balled into fists, fists pressed to the sides of his legs. He had been ranting for twenty minutes, Negan was counting. "He's been screwing with me since day one and I'm over it. He's an asshole." Carl stopped and whipped around, glaring at Negan. "Guess I attract them."
"Hey," Negan held up his hands in defense. "You picked the fight, you yelled at him, you hit him, Simon was only defending himself." He stood up, walking towards Carl. "Why are we fighting about this again?"
"Because you got in between me and that fucking asshole!" Carl was lucky Negan liked him, really, really lucky. If Negan didn't like him the kid would've been on the floor with the wind knocked out of him in seconds. He jabbed his finger into Negans chest. "You're the one who always says stand up for yourself! And that you love how I take no shit!"
"Carl," Negan tilted his head to the side. "It's just a hat. Don't you think you're being a tiny-" Negan held his hand up, pinching his two fingers together, only a small gap that was barely visible between them. "Tiny bit dramatic."
"You nearly had a heart attack when Rosita shot Lucille!" Carl turned around and shook his head, starting to pace one more. "You know, I tried dating older men because they seem more mature but they aren't." He looked over at Negan, rolling his eye. "You're all assholes."
"Lucille was my wife, Carl-"
"And this was my dad's hat!" Carl stomped towards him, his hands still at his side's. He looked like a cartoon character throwing a fit. Negan could practically see the steam falling from Carls ears. "Now you either punish Simon for sneaking in here and taking it or you let me go back down there and handle this myself." He was inches from Negans face. "You pick."
"You aren't going back down there, okay? He already got you pretty good-" Negan reached up to cup Carls cheek. A bruise was already forming where Simon had hit him and Carls split lip had finally stopped bleeding. Negan had to give it to the kid, he had the spirit, but when it came to fighting he always got his ass beat.
Carl jerked away from him, staring up at Negan like he was Rick. Negan always hated it when he saw Rick in Carl. It reminded him who Carl came from. Negan wouldn't admit that he was the one who told Simon to take that god awful ugly hat away, but for the five hours it was missing it was pure bliss. Simon just needed to get better at hiding. "Don't touch me," Carl hissed. "I'm mad at you."
Negan chuckled, only pissing Carl off more. He tucked some of Carls hair behind his ear and brushed his bangs off of his forehead. "Darling, when are you not mad at me?" He chuckled, leaning down and kissing his forehead. He cupped Carls cheek, successfully. He could've swore Carl was going to bite him, though. Kid was rabid. "You know, when you pick a fight you're supposed to win, right?"
"Bite me," Carl grabbed Negans wrist and shoved it away, shaking his head. "I thought you would like it, me fighting someone, you pride yourself on how much of a "one eyed badass" I am." Carl crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "He's a dick, Negan."
"Listen, I love when you fight with people. You are a little badass and you take no shit, that's why I love ya, but Carl-" Negan tilted his head up, smiling. "You can't fight my right hand man. You're my sweet little doll and I love ya to death, but I cannot let you and Simon tear this place apart."
Carl scoffed, backing up. "Are you kidding me? You're choosing Simon? The man who's so power hungry if he goes five seconds without bossing someone around he starts withdrawing?" He shook his head again, letting out be same disappointed sigh Lucille would always give him. "Didn't know you were his bitch-"
"Opposed to me being yours?" Negan followed Carl, taking a step in time with Carls. The boy was something else. He was nothing like the women Negan had been with after the world ended. They always let him be in control, practically begged for it. If Negan tried to boss Carl around he was sure he would leave with a foot up his ass. "I gotta keep the peace-"
"Then go down there and tell him to back the hell off, Negan." He looked up at Negan, staring. There wasn't a glare in his eye anymore, but more of a teasing look. Like Carl was waiting for Negan to push him. "I'm not your bitch and I'm either gonna let you handle it or I'll go back down and finish it. I don't take shit, not even from you."
Negan sighed, rolling his eyes. Carl didn't have to pull a puppy dog look to get his way. All he had to do was remind Negan of his power. It was like dating his dream soldier. "I'll figure something out, okay?" He snaked his arms around Carl, pulling the boy into his chest. He kissed the top of his head and reached towards the back of the couch, picking up the cowboy hat and setting it on Carls head. He flicked the top up with his fingers and kissed Carls head once more. "Get more locks or something-"
Carl sighed, relaxing against Negans chest. He slid his hands up Negans chest, then across his shoulders and around his neck. "Daddy," Yes, flaunting his power worked, but not always. Sometimes he had to whip out his secret weapon. He bat his lashes and pouted. Negan knew what he was doing. "You really wouldn't pick Simon over me, right?" He looked up at Negan through his lashes. "I mean, I am your number one-"
Carl wasn't wrong. He was mostly in control, hell, the kid had more power than Simon. If Carl didn't like someone they would be gone in a day. No conversations were needed, Carl didn't play games, he stood his ground and got his way no matter what. Simon had to beg to kick someone out, make a presentation listing the reasons why they should be gone. Negan would pick Carl time and time again, but Simon couldn't know that. Carl was powerful, but Simon knew enough to control Negans people. Negan couldn't risk pissing the man off and having him snap. He knew far, far too much.
"Carl-"
"You really wouldn't pick him, right? I mean, is he really your right hand man?" Carl drug out the word "really" as he tightened his grip around Negan like a snake closing in on its prey. "I have more control and everyone likes me more, especially you..." Carl leaned up and kissed his jaw. "He really upset me... and I'm your baby, you always say that, so why aren't you defending me?" Negan knew what was coming, it made his heart ache. "Do you not love me?"
"Hey, hey, hey," He put his hands over Carls, picking them up and guiding them off of his body. "Don't say that, you know it isn't true. I love you and I mean it, I don't joke about that kinda shit-"
"Then why are you letting Simon get away with this?" Carl interrupted. "Why are you letting him hit me and take my things? Do you like him more-"
"Fine." Negan snapped, backing up. "I'll go downstairs and tell him to stop doing this shit." The only reason Simon did it was because of Negan. Negan grabbed his bat and looked back at Carl, sighing. He opened the door but didn't take his eyes off of Carl. "Screw you, kid, seriously, screw you."
As he walked out the door he could hear the smile in Carls voice as he said: "I love you too."
