Carl rolled onto his back, pushing his fingers through his hair and taking a deep breath. He looked around the empty yet messy house, frowning at the broken windows and falling apart furniture. The house had been abandoned then torn through multiple times, but a couch, a bed, and a few tables still stoon. Too much effort, Carl through, it would only slow them down if they took it. He pushed up on his elbows and slid up the bed, resting his back against the wooden headboard, wincing when broken pieces of wood dug into his back. Carl gripped the sheets and jerked them up, covering himself.
Next to him was Negan who was panting softly with his eyes closed. A few tattoos littered his chest, words etched in ink that Carl couldn’t read and scars from fighting, from surviving. On the floor was their clothes, Carl’s shirt and flannel, Negan’s shirt and leather jacket. Their boots were at the food of the bed along with their pants. Carl couldn’t find his boxers, but Negan’s were only pulled down to the middle of his thigh.
On the floor was his bat and on the table next to the bed was Carl’s gun. The rickety couch was pushed in front of the door, the curtains or whatever was left of them closed and pulled over the windows. Carl could see the outline of Negan’s truck and the outline of his smaller car that he had hid then used whenever he snuck out.
This had been their spot for a few weeks. Carl would sneak off and say he was looking for supplies or shooting a few walkers to get his energy out while Negan drove to the house without a word. In Carl’s mind, the house was their own. A husband and wife had a house together before, why couldn’t they? The house wasn’t nice by any means, but it was four walls and a roof. Besides, it had Negan and that was what made it really home.
Carl was the one to pick out the house. When they first got to Alexandria they tore through it. Ever since Carl had found safety in the house. It withstood bullets and storms and walkers. Every once in a while Carl would sneak off and hide in the house, reading or writing or just being alone. Enid knew where the house was, but she didn’t care to visit.
The house stood in the middle of the woods, down a small hill that hid it away from anyone who wasn’t looking for it. Even when the leaves fell the rooftop was covered. There were worn down paths from herds and other people so that there was something to drive down. Trees and bushes surrounded the house, a river rushing past it only a few yards away. Whoever built it wanted to hide. Carl didn’t blame them.
Negan sat up next to him, looking over at him. “We should get going.”
They had gone all the way before, but it was never when they were alone. Their first time was in Negan’s supply truck. The next was during Negan’s supply pick up in Alexandria. After that it was in the woods and then it was in Negan’s room. That was Carl’s favorite. When he got to be where all the other girls were even though Negan rushed him out after. He felt special.
This was the best one, though. Taking their time and kissing and feeling each other for real. No one was around so neither of them had to be silent. They saw all of each other. Carl even took off his bandages. This time it wasn’t just sex. There was something deeper. Carl was falling for Negan, but this made him realize that it wasn't hormones or teen angst. It was love. Carl prayed that Negan felt it, too.
“Really?” Carl asked. “We just got here.” Only an hour had passed. Maybe a little over. Carl could see Negan’s watch that clung to his wrist. “Don’t you want another round?”
“It will be dark soon.” Negan replied. “We need to make sure we get home safe. They are more active at night.”
Carl knew that, but they were safe. The house was hidden and they had weapons. The walkers couldn’t tear down a house as easy as Negan was saying. “But… we could stay a little later… spend some time together.”
Carl wondered if Lori had played this hard to get. He had never opened up to someone like he did to Negan. Negan understood him and didn’t underestimate him, in fact, Negan admired him. Rick didn’t even know Carl like Negan did. This was love. It would just take a little convincing.
Carl learned over and kissed Negan’s shoulder, then his neck all the way up to his jaw. “Can’t get it up again, huh?”
“I can. But we need to go.” Negan kissed him, but it wasn’t soft. He nipped at Carl’s lips before pulling away.
Maybe love could be rough, Carl thought. Maybe this was how he was with Lucille.
“But…. it’s still a few hours until sundown and it’s only a little less than an hours drive.” Carl took Negan’s arm and held it close, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Come on… don’t leave so fast.” He kissed the shell of Negan’s ear. “We just made love.”
Negan’s body tensed up and he sighed. “I knew it.” He pulled away, climbing out of the bed.
Carl frowned. “What?” He covered himself with the sheets, watching Negan as he pulled on his clothes. His back was to Carl as if he was hiding from him.
“That wasn’t love.” Negan said coldly. “This isn’t love. We are not in love.”
Carl took a deep breath. “Oh…” He was in love. So, undeniably in love. “Well…. Maybe not yet. But we can give it time. Have more days like this.”
“We didn’t make love!” Negan shouted. “We fucked, just like every other time we slept together. This means nothing. It’s just a good time.” He pulled on his jacket and stuffed his feet unto his shoes. “We won’t ever be in love, got it?”
Carl swallowed, nodding. He was stupid to think Negan loved him, to think he could love him. “Right… I guess I’ll see you around, okay?” Carl forced a smile as Negan walked to the door.
