"What's one of the worst things that has ever happened to you?" Carl was sitting criss cross on Negans bed, hands in his lap. For a moment he looked like a kid. Negan still did forget how young he was. It annoyed Negan in a way, that the kid had been so strong and brave at such a young age. That the world chewed him up and spit him out before he ever kissed someone or had sex.
"Meeting you." Negan smirked, sliding the wash cloth up the base of his bat. "I regret it every day of my life, ya know? You're just so annoying and clingy-" Negan jumped when a pillow hit him in the side. "Hey! I'm the one holding the bat. Watch yourself." Carl started to laugh and he looked even more like a kid. It broke Negans heart. "Why are you asking?"
"It was a game I used to play..." Carl shrugged and leaned back on his hands, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Whenever the situation felt like the end of the world I would start naming off all the worse things that had happened. Made me thankful, ya know? Like, yeah, it's hot and my legs hurt but at least my dad's not in a coma anymore."
"God, you are so screwed up." Negan set the cloth down and held his bat up to the light, turning it around. "I'm gonna have to get the hose out, there's still some shit stuck between the wire." He set the bat down and looked over at Carl. "Who did you play with?"
"The apocalypse screws you up." Carl shrugged. "And I didn't play with anyone, really. My friend Sophia died like the first year into this mess. She got bit. My dad shot her. I didn't play with Michonne or anyone else. They were adults. They had real problems." Carl sighed, looking down at his lap. "I was just the annoying kid."
Negan winked at him. "Still are. Don't worry." He lifted his bat up and pointed it at Carl. "One of the worst days of my life was when my wife died." He dropped the bat back doen and rested it against the couch. "Your turn."
"My dad killed the man who saved me and my mom. He was my father figure-" Carl raised his finger up, shaking it side to side. "Then when he came back as a zombie and tried to kill my dad, I shot him."
"You got a thing for killing family members, huh?" Negan chuckled, shaking his head. "No wonder you got these kinda games. Your life was shit."
"Thanks for the update. I had no idea I was living in an apocalyptic world and sleeping with a man who wants to kill my father." Carl rolled his eye. "Your turn." He crossed his legs and sat up again, picking at the skin around his nails.
"When my first camp caught on fire. A man forgot to put it out when we went to bed and when I woke up everyone was running and screaming and people were on fire." Negan sighed, leaning back into the couch. "I didn't wait for them. I didn't save them. I ran. Like it was an experiment gone wrong... and I guess it kinda was. Trail and error."
Carl leaned forward, grinning. He looked sort of crazy. "I shot my mom in the head." The kid really needed to stop telling people that. It only reinforced the idea that he was insane. "I don't think you can beat that."
"I almost let my wife bite me. I couldn't kill her. I didn't think I could live without her. But if she knew that she would've called me a pussy and a coward." Negan smiled. "I lived out of spite."
"Not surprising." Carl bit his lip. "I spent a long time thinking my baby sister got eaten. She didn't... but sometimes I still worry, ya know? If I see an empty crib it just takes me back and I-"
"Stop." Negan sighed. "This is a game. You aren't supposed to tell me your life story and get all upset." He crossed his legs. "One time I slept with a girl after this all started and I woke up tied to a bed and half naked. Took me three hours to get out of all the rope."
"That doesn't sound bad." Carl smiled. "Maybe I'll try that on you sometime." He climbed off of the bed and walked towards Negan, sitting down in his lap. "Name another bad thing. I wanna see if you can beat me."
"Is this my last turn?" Negan asked, snaking his arms around Carls waist and pulling him closer. He kissed along Carls jaw and down his neck, sliding his fingers underneath his shirt. Carl pressed into his touch and buried his face in Negans neck.
"Yeah." Carl whispered. "Can't play for too long. It'll make you sad. We have enough things to be sad about, don't you think?" Carl didn't give him time to answer. Instead he just kissed him. "Go."
"My worst day was meeting your father. The night I killed those two men..." Negan looked down at Carl. "You guys are a threat, but that's not why it was the worst day. It was the worst because I met you."
"Yeah." Carl grinned like Negan was joking. "And why do I make it the worst? Because I'm annoying?"
"Because.." Negan brushed the hair out of Carls face. "You made me start caring again." He kissed Carl, softly. "I hadn't cared in a long time. Caring is dangerous."
"I don't think so.." Carl touched Negan like he was breakable. It made him want to cry. "I think caring reminds us that we're alive. That we can feel."
Negan nodded. "Maybe.." He rubbed Carls lower back. "But that doesn't make caring a good thing. Sometimes being alive is the worst part."
This time it was Carls turn to nod. "Yeah... sometimes it is."
