Carl followed close behind Maggie and Rosita, his eyes scanning the horizon. Not a savior had been seen for miles and it gave Carl an uneasy feeling. Days ago he had decided that he couldn't continue to jump between Alexandria and the Sanctuary. There was too much blood spilled on both sides to pretend it wasn't a big deal. The painful truth was that Megan had murdered his family and Rick had murdered over ten of Negan's men. Nothing was lighthearted about them being together. It was bloody and painful and it was war.
Carl tried his best to hide behind his gun, shrink himself down and nearly close his eyes. Never, not once, did he think that the war would become an actual war. That there would be more deaths and more anger and more fear and more weapons. Negan was a control freak with a big ego, but he didn't think he was a killer or a ruthless leader that used his people for war. But now both Alexandrians and Saviors were killed all in the name of war.
Before Alexandria, when the people at Terminus held them captive and tried to tear them apart, Carl asked his father why people acted the way they did. He asked why those men Daryl were with tried to rape and kill him. Why people were suddenly so angry at the people that were just trying to live. Rick simply said that no one ever believes that they are the bad guy. Each story is different, written in blood and pain and tears, and no one writes themselves as the antagonist. In each person's mind, they were surviving. Something about that made it scarier than someone being crazy and killing. These people decided that this was the way to survive. That they had to be cold and savage to live. They chose it.
Rick didn't see that he was in the wrong. He was protecting his people, helping them survive. Negan was a threat, one that refused to go away. To Rick, death was the last resort. Negan refused to stand down, he worked hard for what he had built and he wasn't going to let anyone take that away. So this was war, both sides fighting for whatever safety they wanted. Both sides covered in blood and anger and sleepless nights and loss.
Carl pushed past the people ahead of him, lowering his gun slightly. "Dad... are you sure this is how it has to end?" He knew the answer but there was still time. Time for changed minds and going home. "So many people are going to die today."
"Glenn and Abraham died." Rick said, coldly. "And that was only the beginning. Then there was Denise, you know this." He slowed his steps, looking down at Carl. He smiled at him and wrapped his arm around his shoulders, dragging him into his side. "Carl... I can't let him take what we have fought for away. He is the enemy."
"And you're the enemy to him." Carl looked across the rolling hills, sighing. "We are the bad guys, too. We have killed."
"No one is gonna be as bad as him." Rick replied, pressing a kiss to his son's head. "I rather be labeled a harsh killer and have a home than watch everything I love burn. He tried to kill us, Carl, to kill you. I am not letting him take you away from me." He tightened his grip, wrapping his other arm around him.
Instead of being focused on his father's embrace, he focused on the gun dangling from his fathers hand and pressing against his leg. Carl hid his face in his father's chest and gripped him. "I don't want to see people die."
"Hopefully, it won't be too bad." Rick pulled away and kissed his forehead. "I have to go ahead-"
"Have you ever killed anyone?" Carl asked, following Rick up the hill, dodging all the people around them. He didn't even know some of their names. But all of them joined together to kill one man and his army.
Rick tensed. "Those questions were for people entering our home. Not... not for us."
"Have you?" Carl asked. He gave Rick no time to answer. "Why?" He questioned, stepping closer. "Because of this petty war? The supplies?"
