Irresistible | e.d

T H I R T Y - T H R E E

I got into the shower and scrubbed myself with a loofah but no matter how much I washed myself, I still felt dirtier.

The first time that it happened to me, it didn't have this affect on me. Something was different this time.

I put on a pair of sweatpants and a cropped adidas t shirt and drove to Target. I had to see if I was pregnant. I dumped 3 pregnancy tests in my cart and got some other stuff I needed.

I went to the self checkout counter and got done with my shit. I drove back home and I had the urge of crying. It's been 2 days, and Ethan doesn't know. No one does.

I forgot about the pregnancy tests and had the idea of an album. I grabbed my notebook and started to brainstorm in it.

It had to be called 'blame'. I just felt like it had to be. I wrote down a new song. It had a religious vibe to it, even though I'm not religious at all. Oof.

I didn't want any edits to this song, it was gonna stay exactly like this. I'm gonna do the production and maybe get help but no lyrical edits.  It's called 'Praying'.

I put down my notebook and went to the bathroom. I unboxed each test and peed on each stick.

I waited for the results and when I picked up the sticks, my heart dropped.

Positive

I felt like I betrayed Ethan. I had to tell him. But I have do go to the hospital too...

I grabbed my keys and drove to the hospital. My crimson cheeks were sticky and my eyes were puffy. I hopped out of the car and rushed in.

"Can I please see a maternity doctor? Asap?" I ask at the counter

"Uh huh sweetcheeks. You're 70, the current number is 69, so you're next. Take a seat while your turn arrives hun" the women says handing me a slip. I fake a smile and go sit on a chair.

Should I join the #MeToo movement?

What if I'm accused of lying

Fuck it.

I pulled out my phone from my back pocket and go onto Twitter.

@haileymonty
one of my best friend's friends. he did it twice, and my now ex best friend just watched the second time, and did nothing#MeToo

@haileymonty
fame changes people a lot. I thought he was nasty enough for what he did to my best friend, but hiding a rapist in his gang and letting smth happen in front of him? I have no words.

@haileymonty
I don't like ur perfect crime. How you cover your mouth when you lie. isn't cool, no I don't u

@haileymonty
never thought I'd see the day where I would relate to lywmmd and lyrics.

@ethandolan
ft now.

I shut off my phone as my name was called and made my way to the doctors office.

"Hailey Montgomery, right?" She asks and I nod.

"My daughters a big fan of yours. Can I get a signature?" She asks with a small smile.

"Of course you can. But please don't tell her or anyone why I'm here. Tell her I love her though" I as I sign a t shirt that she handed me.

"Of course. Now I want you to just lay here, and I'll run some tests" she instructs and I lay down.

She lifts up my muscle tee and puts a cold cream on my stomach.
"So does the father know?" She asks.

"I'd rather not talk about it" I mumble and she nods.

A while later she looked at me concerned which made me freak out.

"Is something wrong?" I ask as my heart starts beating fast.

"Hailey...you lost the baby the day it started growing. Your stomach was badly harmed and it effected the baby. I'm so sorry"

My heart drops, and I feel myself fall. I didn't just fall, I fell hard. I felt each bone in my body break. I felt like when I fell, I fell through. I felt like thousand knives just went through me. I felt like I couldn't be fixed. I felt broken.

"I- I should get going" I said as I grabbed my things.

I rushed out of the door and ran down the hallway, getting to my car as soon as I could. Tears were flowing down my cheeks and I saw someone walking towards me with a camera.

I quickly wiped my tears away and rolled the window down.

"Hey Hailey!"

"Hi, what's up?" I say and fake a smile.

"Nothing, just came to ask you that though. So what's up with your tweets? Does it have something to do with you running out of the woods with bruises all over you?" He asks, causing tears to threaten falling down again.

"I'm gonna comment on that later. I've gotta get going now, bye" I say and he waves and leaves.

I facetime Ethan and put my phone in the stand I recently got for my car. A few rings later, he picks up.

"Hailey, babe what's wrong?" He asks right away.

"Ethan, a few days ago. It happened again a-and I got pregnant. In the woods, Jake was there. He just watched, scrolling through instagram on his phone. And C-chance kicked me hard in the gut. I lost the baby. I lost the fucking baby. The pure, innocent unborn soul. It's my fault, I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place! I should've stopped it! I-"

"Shut the fuck up" I hear a soft voice from my phone. I look towards my phone and see Ethan with stained cheeks. He was crying.

"If you ever fucking blame yourself again...all you do it is blame, blame, blame, it all on you. It's HIS fault! He is the most disgusting pig ever. He should rot in fucking jail. And I couldn't protect you from him! I should've been there! But I wasn't! I was in fucking New Jersey!" He yells causing me to get pissed.

"Ethan, this wasn't your fault. Just shut up"

"Hailey, you don't get it. I'm the man in this rel-"

"You're the man, but I got the power" Ethan stays silent because he knows he said something wrong.

"You make it rain, I make it shower" I say as I pull up at my apartment.

"Sorry, that was dumb of me"

"I'm aware. But Ethan, an unborn being was killed inside me! And it was my fault! I can't let this go just like that!"

"You've gotta learn to let it go! It wasn't even your fault"

"Ethan"

"What!?"

"I'm not that strong!"

"Yes you are" I hear a deep voice from behind me.