How To Screw Yourself Over

Chapter 1.6: Girly Boys and Rabid Dogs

"Now, now. Calm down, girlie. I'm not doing anything to Liu Han." Ash attempts to placate Yin Hui, but, going by her puffed out cheeks and doubtful eyes, she's not succeeding. It's quite funny, but Ash would probably make the girlie angrier if she continues to laugh. Liu Han finally seems to catch up with the situation and has the temerity to look pleased with Ash's predicament. She is going to fuck this kid up later, you can count on that.

Sighing, Ash furiously scratches at her head and twists her expression until she looks a bit frustrated. It's time for her to spew more bullshit.

"Look." Ash makes eye-contact with the girlie and makes sure Yin Hui holds her gaze. "I'm just teasing Liu Han because I'm a bit jealous, okay? You, Liu Han, Zhi Ruo are going to make it big someday. I know I probably won't, so when Liu Han's flaunting his astonishing talent and good looks, I tend to act a little bitter around him."

Ash pauses to glance at the midget and makes sure her gaze was apparent before continuing. "Well," Ash drags out the word. "I am glad my luck isn't as strange as his though. I don't have any perverse inclinations so, honestly, I wouldn't take his luck even if it was offered to me on a silver platter."

Liu Han and Zhi Ruo needed a minute to catch what she implied, but when they do, Liu Han looks absolutely scandalized and Zhi Ruo seems quietly murderous. Worth it.

On the other hand, Yin Hui doesn't seem to understand what she meant with her last lines, but the first part of Ash's admission was enough to move her. Rushing up to Ash, the girlie grasps her hands, brings her face close Ash's, and hurriedly states her belief in Ash, saying "It's okay! Even if you're weak and girly-looking, if you try your best, you might live as long as we will!"

As soon as Yin Hui finishes, Liu Han howls with laughter, breaking through the silence before it got a chance to permeate. Ash shell-shocked for a moment and can do nothing but stand there blankly as Liu Han completely loses his shit.

Ash did not expect this. This girlie is naive and innocent, but she is venomous. Ash thought of this before, but she didn't realize the full extent of Yin Hui's unintentional cruelty.

Even though the girlie is currently pestering Liu Han about the reason behind his hysterical laughter, Ash is having a hard time believing those attacks were not deliberate. Those insults were devastating, especially when they're paired with such a bright and harmless face. If you weren't caught off guard by that, Ash says you're not human.

Finally coming back to herself, Ash scowls at Liu Han. "Har, har, har, how funny. But I think you've laughed enough."

"On the contrary," he wheezes, "I don't think I've laughed enough, girly boy."

Turning around to conceal her irritation, Ash blandly throws a threat over her shoulder. "If I instigate them, they would chase you like rabid dogs."

Not one to be deterred that easily, Liu Han smiles cheekily and hums a response in a deceptively light tone. "Hmm, but I wonder what would happen if I told them I'd fallen for a certain man."

Whirling around quickly enough to make a lesser man nauseous, Ash stares at him with something akin to horror. Would he really go that far? The dragon is at the fourth stage! Ash knows that escaping the midget would be beyond difficult. She'd have better chances in a gamble against the spawn of Lady Luck herself!

Taking the girlie hostage wouldn't have any significant effect, taking Liu Han hostage is nigh impossible without deceit and carefully executed maneuvers, and incapacitating the midget would require delicate planning and large amounts of speculation—both of which demand time she wouldn't have if the midget is actually gullible enough to fall into a rage.

Even if the dragon manages to stay calm, Ash doesn't want to deal with the spiteful midget's discreet vengeance. Ash is certain she could survive anything the dragon pulls, but that's not really saying much.

Bursting into unrestrained laughter Liu Han just barely manages to squeeze out a "Relax, I think you'd die if I really did that." before completely breaking down.

Ash is not amused. She might have to step up her game a bit. She doesn't need to be stronger than the dragon, but she should at least get to the third stage before she starts playing around again.

Imagining all of the petulant pouts and murderous glares the girlie and the midget would gift her if Liu Han carried out his threat gives her a headache. She can adapt to hatred and killing intent, but the sulking of a whiny child? She doesn't quite know what to do.

The protagonist is quite tough, so she can mess with him without remorse, but Yin Hui is a bit too fragile for Ash to coldly disregard her feelings. Besides, the easiest way to resolve the whole "annihilation of humanity" thing is to eliminate Liu Han.

Why should she feel bad about hurting his feelings when she's planning on killing him? She would feel a little guilty about murdering a child in cold blood, but she'd rather kill than work her ass off for a mere possibility of success. A human with as much power as Liu Han would obtain would always be a threat.

[Excuse me, Ash? Please don't hurt me if I'm assuming the wrong thing—I can only catch small snippets of your thoughts—but are you planning to kill Liu Han?]

'Yes, why?' Ash has a forbidding feeling she doesn't like.

[Unless you are capable of simultaneously seducing two, high-profile women on opposing sides of the checkerboard, I'd suggest you throw away that plan. Even the protagonist was only able to seduce them through his sincerity and a few special circumstances.]

'Elaborate. Why would I need to seduce these women? What, were they going to start a war?'

[Actually...]

'Are you kidding me? Fine, I'll just kill him after he picks up those chicks too.'

[Well, that doesn't happen for another eight or so years...]

Ash groans. She's going to get a migraine. This is absolute bullshit.

Feeling a tug on her clothing, Ash looks down to the source. The midget, looking more and more like a child who's yet to reach ten, is holding out her arms and making grabbing motions with her hands. Absolutely baffled, Ash looks at Liu Han questioningly.

Chuckling, Liu Han clarifies the dragon's intentions. "Zhi Ruo wants you to carry her."

Is the midget already trying to harass her? Can the dragon sense her distress and wants to make it worse? Shrugging, Ash decides to comply, and sweeps the dragon into her arms. "Is this alright?" Ash asks, frowning slightly. The midget is as stiff as a board. Is Ash doing this incorrectly?

Throwing her question aside, the dragon screeches at Ash, clearly flustered and frustrated. "I changed my mind! Put me down!"

Even more confused, Ash sets her down and is vaguely startled when the midget runs behind Liu Han's legs and furiously hisses out a quiet "This isn't over!"

What is Zhi Ruo doing?

When she directs her puzzled gaze to Liu Han, he only shrugs in response, looking just as lost as she is.

A/N: Zhi Ruo thought Ash was going to carry her the way you'd carry a child, so she was fully prepared to discreetly threaten Ash. Haha, she was super thrown off when Ash carried her bridal style.