How To Screw Yourself Over

Chapter 1.12: Kissing the Floor

Ash is so damn done with this shit that it's not even funny.

She's finally managed to plant the idea that she has a crush on Yu Yan into the little lady's stupidly thick skull, but Yu Yan seems to be of the opinion that "what you don't know can't hurt you" and continues to play dumb. On the other hand, the distortion is now in a constant state of dull acceptance. It probably needs time to recover.

Ash might have pushed it too far when she set up all those lucky pervert moments with Yu Yan, but this world is already irrational, so she isn't doing anything all that unusual. However, thanks to this, the distortion's reactions have become utterly boring and Yu Yan has been channeling Mr. Magoo levels of obliviousness. This is hell for her.

Fortunately for Ash, they've finally reached the Vermillion Bird's nest. Although Ash can't quite look into the nest, it appears to have been built on a large ledge near the mountain's edge.

Yu Yan, clearly feeling apprehensive and possibly regretting her hasty decision, is now a step behind Ash and clinging onto Ash's arm. Forcing heat to rise to her cheeks, Ash pointedly looks away from Yu Yan when she feels her arm being swallowed by the little lady's breasts. For someone so petite and naive looking Yu Yan's got game. Fairly large assets too.

Ash supposes that Yu Yan might not be behaving this way to win her over, but somehow, that's even less comforting. Yu Yan seems fairly intelligent, so if she is doing all of this unintentionally, Ash thinks she must've been eaten once or twice already.

Or not. Liu Han is her man and, from what Ash has observed, he's either uninterested in women or impotent. Ash would better half her fortune on it being both. You know, since she's broke anyway.

Sighing internally, Ash forges onwards, seeking to enter the nest of the Vermillion Bird.

However, Ash had yet to venture even a single step into the nest when wooden spikes suddenly burst out of the ground with the intent of skewering her. Rapidly retreating, Ash leaps out of the spike's path and drags Yu Yan out of the line of fire as she carefully scans the area for her opponent. After she quickly scaling a few nearby boulders, Ash uses her high vantage point to peek into the Vermillion Bird's nest.

Yu Yan was right; the bird is dying. Sick and weakened, much of the creature's once colorful plumage had lost its luster and faded to only a dull imitation of its former beauty. Feathers fell out with each shuddering breath it took, and despite the beast's intimidating size and aura, Ash didn't feel much danger. This bird has reached the end of its lifespan.

Sensing Ash's faintly disdainful glance, the beast fixes the pair with a surprisingly menacing glare and shrieks. The piercing, shrill note it releases is deafening.

Ash couldn't help but wince and rub her ears after being subjected to the beast's horrible cry. The beast's lungs clearly worked just fine.

However, Yu Yan didn't fare nearly as well as Ash and immediately crumpled to the ground like a puppet whose strings were cut, trembling in fear. Ash was more affected by the intensity of the screech, but Yu Yan seemed sufficiently intimidated by the sheer power the sound reflected.

Since her "crush" collapsed on the floor because of the creature's cry, Ash felt like kicking this thing around a bit could be justified. That screech almost gave her a headache after all.

Rushing towards the huffing bird, Ash yanks out around ten throwing daggers from her interspatial pouch and, deciding to test out a new idea, creates strings of spiritual qi and attaches each string to the base of each dagger before manipulating her string to force several of the daggers into the Vermillion Bird. In response, the bird ignores the pain and simultaneously generates both wooden spikes to impale her and vines to restrain her.