How To Screw Yourself Over

Chapter 2.3: Blunders Resulting From Intoxication

Ash is behind the guard in just a few seconds, with the largest, most eerie smile she could muster plastered across her face. "Boo."

The guard, understandably, releases the most shrill, panicked screech Ash has had the pleasure of hearing. Knees giving out beneath him, Bernard fall to the ground, tripping over himself to stammer out a coherent sentence. "Wha-What—Why are you here!"

Ash's smile remains unchanged. "Am I not supposed to be?"

"You—" the guard cuts himself off as he takes a deep breath, clearly trying to repair his frayed nerves.

A few moments later, the guard's contorted expression rights itself as he coughs and rises. "The young miss ordered me to bring you before her once you've come to. Follow me."

Ash, with the same cheery expression, moves to block the guard's path. "That's well and fine, but what were you doing?"

The guard tenses and awkwardly tries to walk around her. Ash's eyes twinkle with amusement. "Don't ignore me."

The guard's patience finally runs thin. He whips around to face her, with his expression twisting in a rather intimidating manner. In a near-homicidal rage, he very nearly roars. "What do you want!"

Ash's smile takes on a condescending edge. "It would be best if you calmed down. What if I get so scared that I accidentally let the young miss know of your intentions?"

This world may not have cameras, but the guard hasn't let that stop him. Instead of photos, he's got a small wooden sculpture of the young miss. When Ash first detected his presence, she could tell he was caressing the excessively detailed sculpture in a particularly disturbing manner.

Ash would have been more disgusted if she weren't too busy plotting how to most effectively deal the most damage with this information. Now she's simply basking in the beautiful horror that briefly flickers across the guard's face.

Bernard, finally learning what's best for him, places an impassive mask over his taunt features. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really?" Ash raises her eyebrows in mock surprise. "If that's the case, I wonder what this is." Ash uses the air to wave the figurine before the guard.

The stupid shit hadn't even realized she'd stolen his precious little sculpture while he was in a tizzy. Isn't it funny?

The guard lunges for the wooden figurine and—

Ash's eyes narrow in satisfaction.

—misses.

Bernard then finds his face promptly planted in the nearest wall, with Ash's firm grip on his head being the sole reason he is unable to extract himself from his current position.

"How does this sound? I'll keep your perverse little actions a secret if you do me a few favors every now and then." When his struggles only increase in intensity, Ash doesn't hesitate to shove his head further into the wall. "You don't have the right to refuse."

Slowly, he relaxes.

Under the impression that the guard finally understood his position, Ash releases her hold on his skull. Then she is reduced to a mere member of the audience, blankly watching as his limp form crumples to the ground.

She may have messed up. Who's going to bring her to the young miss now?

Crouching, Ash flips him over and smacks his cheeks a bit, hoping he'd wake up so Ash can get this over with. Unfortunately, the guard remains dead to the world. Ash sighs and, rising to her feet, decides to move forward with her search for the young miss.