How To Screw Yourself Over

Chapter 2.9: Bob's Antiques

"Yes," she nods. "He was tall as an elf and as burly as a dwarf. He wore a hood, but when the wind pushed it back, I saw distinctly demonic horns sprouting from his head."

"This man must've cut quite the figure, with a frame like the one you've described," the aging lady before them closes her eyes as she pleasantly asks her next question. "If there truly was a man with a build as eye-catching as that, why don't we have any records of him?"

Ash laughs politely, smiling just as pleasantly. "It's alright if you lack information. I shouldn't have asked for so much from such a quaint little organization."

The lady jumps to her feet in rage, her youthful guise falling as her anger rises. She splutters as Ash brazenly ignores her and leaves, dragging the guard with her.

"Do you actually know what you're doing?" He sounds more resigned than anything else. There is a reason for that.

Ash, annoyed by the previous misunderstanding, had taken special care to keep his head twisted on right. And by this, she means that she'd taken him to a brothel and locked him in a room with a horny prostitute. He came back obedient so Ash thinks it worked.

"You don't trust me?"

"My trust in you is rapidly falling. This is the fourth information broker you've seen." After visiting the whorehouse, the man's ability to spew bullshit seems to have improved. Bernard's learned how to crack a joke.

"Fifth time's the charm," Ash carelessly replies, seamlessly pulling the guard to a new location as she returns his bullshit.

After weaving through the strange streets, alleys, and an assortment of various other nouns, the two finally arrive at a small antiques store.

The store, built of old, graying wood, is canted just a bit to the side, as if it would collapse at the slightest touch. The place looks just as shady as the last broker's residence.

The guard originally obtained his information about the demonic general from this store. Ash hadn't planned on visiting this shop, but the guard's irritation has begun to make her twitchy as well.

This store provides its customers with comprehensive information on nearly anything in this world. However, this information is quite costly.

As the pair enter the shop, a man gives them a perfunctory greeting from his spot behind the counter. "Welcome to Bob's Antiques. Look around."

Ash makes a beeline for the counter. Then, when she stands before the shopkeeper, she smoothly places Bernard one step in front of her. "My friend would like to purchase information on a man who kidnapped our employer."

"You or your friend?"

"My friend."

"Really?" He glances at the nervous guard before returning his gaze to the composed Ash.

"Yes, he is quite enraptured by our young miss, you see." Ash disregards the way the guard's expression hardens at her words.

The shopkeeper's interest is piqued. "I see, what a wonderful tale. A knight holding unrequited feelings for his employer has come to me in the hopes that he can finally be of use to his loved one!"

"I like you," Ash smirks. What fun.

The shopkeeper pays the comment no mind, weaving around Ash as he places his hands on the guard's shoulders. "Though I would enjoy a show like this one, I will still require compensation for my services." His eyebrows rise in conjunction with his lips, transforming his originally placid expression into one of malignant anticipation. "Are you willing to pay the price?"