How To Screw Yourself Over

Chapter 1.1: A Sissy

Opening her eyes, Ash finds herself lying on a large, luxurious bed in an extravagantly decorated room. Ash hisses expletives as she pulls her new—and very clearly damaged—body off the bed before shooting the distortion next to her a disgruntled glance.

"What the hell happened to this kid? It feels like I was hit by a fucking pick-up truck. Even my hips hurt." A smile makes an abrupt appearance on Ash's face. She hadn't intended to insinuate anything with that last line, but this situation is just too perfect. She's not letting this go until she makes at least one person uncomfortable.

"Oh, I see" Ash starts with far too much glee. "She was getting busy, was she? Or he," Ash corrects herself as she stares at her now distinctly flat chest. "They must've had lots of fun—"

[N-No! You're completely wrong! Feng Yun just suffered a crushing defeat at the protagonist's hands! That's why she's in pain! Not because of any of the...stuff...you implied.]

Settling into a cross-legged position, she snickers "Oh? What kind of 'stuff' did I imply?"

[P-Please stop...]

Ash briefly stares at the mortified distortion before nodding with a satisfied smirk. "You're just adding fuel to the fire."

078 whimpers in response. A literal distortion in space, a little blemish in the fabric of reality itself, just whimpered. She's never going to understand why its creator made it that way.

[A-Anyway, in this world, you have to prevent the protagonist of this world, Liu Han, from utterly annihilating humanity in a despair-fueled rage after one of his lovers perishes.]

"How?" Ash asks with an irritated frown, mood abruptly dropping.

[How what?]

"How does one person single-handedly destroy the world? What, does everyone just roll over and peacefully accept their deaths and suffering?" Ash doesn't like this. It doesn't make any sense.

[Not exactly. This is a xuanhuan world.]

"Meaning?"

[People can cultivate to become immortals.]

"What the hell? The fuck do they cultivate? If farmers could become immortals, society would've been overturned seven times over back on Earth."

[No, no, no, no, that's not how it is. In this world, there's a substance called spiritual qi that the people of this world ingest and strengthen their bodies with. They also create attacks and techniques that use spiritual qi as fuel. Those that are capable of utilizing spiritual qi call themselves cultivators and call the process of absorbing spiritual qi 'cultivating'.]

"They...ingest spiritual qi. They eat it?" Ash was not bewildered. She was just mildly confused.

[Not quite. It doesn't matter. If you give a minute, I can transfer information from Feng Yun's cultivation technique directly into your mind. It will help more than I can.]

Before she can object (or question how much access that thing has to her mind), a giant load of information, both miscellaneous and cultivation-related, is dumped into her head without any regard to her mental state.

She's going to kill that thing.

In an instant, Ash is in front of the distortion, a fist clenched and less than an inch away from the distortion when—

—her hand passes through the distortion harmlessly. The temperature drops. It drops, drops, and doesn't stop dropping. Staring at the distortion with dark, murderous rage growing ever clearer in her deep green eyes, she opens her mouth to speak, slowly enunciating each word. "What is the meaning of this?"