The Virus

Nineteen

I hear Stella and Jason re-enter the room and quietly question Mark about what happened, who explains. 

When I can finally bring myself to top crying and compose myself I sit up and stare Jayden's body, I stare the knife sticking out of his temple, I stare at a person I had known for years. 

And then, I pull myself up and stand, with Noah beside me, offering his help. I take a towel from the counter and wet it with warm water, before returning to Jayden's body, moving it from its crumpled state and wipe the blood from his face and torso. Alex disappears to find a spare shirt to put on him, while everyone else slowly begins to help me clean him. 

Stella cleans the blood from the floor and the counter while we dry and dress him. The blood had stopped pouring out of his wound, his heart was no longer pumping it around his body. The light streams into the kitchen now, it had been over an hour since Jayden had officially died. Mark, Alex and Jason disappear to dig a grave in the sports field behind the school. Terry and Solomon make a small, wooden headstone for him, ready for when he is buried. 

Stella and I take time to wash and brush his hair before she goes and picks some flowers for the grave. While she is gone, I find a note in his enclosed fist. An hour later, Mark, Alex and Jason carry his body out of the building and across the field to where the grave had been dug, it was to the side, in a secluded spot that got plenty of sunlight so flowers would grow there. The hole is huge and it takes several of us to lower him in. We place the headstone and all take turns shovelling the dirt back in. When it's finished I take out the note and begin reading it :

I'm sorry. I just want to say I'm sorry. For hurting all of you in one way or another. Although there's one of you, who has been affected mostly by me. You know who you are, you took it upon yourself to keep it a secret what I did to you. And for that, I thank you. I'm most sorry to you because I know what I did was wrong. I'm only now realising it. How it must have felt, the pain I put you through. I hope one day you can accept my apology.

My death was my decision, this world isn't for me. I want to be with my family and friends that didn't make it. I loved you all, you meant so much to me. Goodbye, for now.

Jayden

I finish the letter and put it in my pocket. We all hang around for a few minutes, some saying a few words, others choosing not to. One by one, we all say goodbye and slowly, peopleleave until it is just Noah and I. He hangs back to see if I'm okay, I tell him to inside. And, eventually, he does. 

I was covered in blood, dried and caked onto me, it clung to me like mud. Eventually, I can't bear to feel it on my skin anymore and I rush to the showers where I strip off my clothes and wash my face in a basin full of water. The blood stains red immediately and I climb under the showers. 

I lean against the cool, brick wall and begin to cry. 

Then, I hear the door open. I look up to see Noah. "Thought you could use some help." He says sadly. I jump up and hug him and let the tears flow. I sit there and cry on his shoulder for ages. Finally letting myself loose for a while. 

Jayden is dead. He killed himself. Despite my hate for him, I doubt I'll ever accept that. It's strange, the death outside has been raging for months. Loss and sadness were probably in abundance as the end of the world forces it's way into our lives. So far, we had managed to stave it off. Keep it away. Apparently that couldn't last forever. And I doubt Jayden is the only  person we'll lose.

A few hours later, everybody mills around unsure of what to do. Everybody had been heavily affected by Jayden's death. "Okay. Everybody lists up!" I shout to everybody in the room. I push myself onto the counter and sit there. "Jayden is dead." I say with such finality that I even surprise myself. Several people seem to glint at this. "We need to accept it and move on. I don't expect it to happen overnight, but it needs to happen. I don't mean to scare you, but death isn't going to be few and far between in this world. Outside it happens everyday and we need to accept that it's going to happen in here." I say authoritatively. Everybody lowers their heads while nodding. "He wanted death. So don't remember him in sadness because he died. He's where he wants to be. He's happy, so it's time all you lot were too." I say.

Still, everybody seems sullen. "Okay! I have an idea. I collected loads of alcohol and stuff in the last few runs. Maybe it's time we let off some steam. I look to Noah in approval and he nods. "We're not drinking it all though. Just enough to loosen us up." I say. Noah and I go to the stockpile and retrieve five bottle of wine and a crate full of beer. I also get a half full bottle of Russian vodka and some whiskey.

I check my watch and it shows only early evening. When we get there, we all agree no drinking until we've eaten some dinner. So I cook some pasta for everybody and we sit down to a heart meal before all end up drinking and laughing hours later.

The night progresses quickly. We all get completely drunk over the course of the next few hours. We spend the night reminiscing about Jayden, it isn't a sad affair, it is one of memory and nostalgia. Stella and Terry leave first at around eleven and Alex goes at twelve. I go to bed just before one in the morning and Noah isn't far behind.

When I fall asleep, i dream of Jayden. It's not a nightmare. Just Jayden. I see all my memories of him, bad and good. When we were eleven, his meeker self introducing himself to me. When we were twelve, his development into a 'cool guy'. He still had a soft side, still open to deep conversations and emotions. When he was thirteen, his change. How he hurt me over and over. I watch as he turns from the shy eleven year old that I once knew to the teenager that I once hated. Now, I can't bring myself to hate him. Not anymore.