The Virus

Twenty Seven

The next few weeks go quickly. Soon, it's Christmas. Presents are basically impossible but we all agree to make an amazing dinner for Christmas. Temperatures have dropped dramatically with it reaching almost subzero temperatures at night. Claire is almost healed. I expect she'll be gone by mid-January. Even though I've only known her for a few weeks, I still don't want her to go. Stella loves Kay and everybody likes Claire. It will be strange once she leaves. I'll have to adjust.

Jayden's grave is fully grass now, like it belongs there. I've never been very religious, I had no reason to believe anyone was watching out for me during my childhood. But, I hope Jayden is somewhere, heaven or maybe here. I don't know. I just hope he's not just a body in the ground.

I remember as a child, I thought I could deal with death. But, when my grandad died of lung cancer, the full weight of it hit me. I would never see him again. Everything that made him special, his deep almost indecipherable accent, his tight hugs. The way he rocked his head when he moved, like a crazy man. Everything that made him, him wouldn't exist anymore. I would never see it again. Death always affected me heavily. I don't know why. Everybody seemed to get over it easily, but I never could.

Now it's apart of my life, death. My family, my friends. Always dying. Everybody has recovered from Jayden's death. The school is a happier place. I hope it stays that way. 

The time seems to pass quickly now. It had been a long time since our running water had been cut off, and finally Solomon had finished  the rain-catching system, we had been eating into the water Solomon had collected for us at a scary rate. 

We had missed a lot of the opportunity that fall had given us to collect the rain, but winter and spring would bring plenty rainfall as well. We just had to be conservative with it. 

Alex and I had finally finished reinforcing the fences and a lot of the crops were surviving the Winter well. Claire, Alex and I were educating ourselves medically, Claire decided it was a good idea to know what to do since she'd be on her own again soon. 

Noah and I struggled with a pregnancy scare when I failed to get my period on time, and we were very on edge for over a week before I finally bled through a pair of my trousers, I had never been so thankful in my life. 

For those few days, I didn't sleep any I barely ate anything at all. Noah had been worried, but under everything I think he was somewhat hoping I was, he confided that he would love to have a child with me, despite the circumstances. 

I had never been a maternal person, but above all I didn't want to bring a child into the world right now more than ever, being pregnant would not only put me at a huge disadvantage andput everyone in the group at risk, but it would get significantly worse once the baby was born. 

The screaming, the crying, would be hard enough in the normal world. Now, it could get us killed. If the baby cried while the herd was passing, we would be overrun in minutes. Every day I got more worried, and i lost more sleep. 

Until the fifth day came around, and I woke with bloodied underwear and pants. And everything seemed alright in the world again. Noah was hurt by my relief, hurt by my fear. But i had to be honest with him. 

We were much safer from then on. 

Claire was out of her wheelchair in no time and walking around on a makeshift crutch that Alex had carved out of an old chair back, it worked for her and that was what mattered. She did chores, had her won watches and contributed as best she could to the group, I was very grateful for it considering the entire ordeal was my fault, she never seemed to blame me.