I say this all
Through the shaky hands,
The tear-stained cheeks,
The stuttering lips.
Please stop coming to my front door.
I can't fucking handle this anymore.
I can't handle you,
I can't handle the thoughts and the shit you make me feel. I'm tired of it all.
I'm tired of feeling like garbage.
I'm tired of looking back on the past two years of my fucking life and feeling like it was wasted.
You're not good for me. You never were. I let myself believe it for way too fucking long, but I can't change it.
I can't change the fact that I still think you're a good person somewhere deep down. I can't change the fact that you were the first person I ever slept with. I can't change the fact that you had a car and were nice to me. I can't change that fact that I liked you more than I should have. I can't change that fact that I finally broke your heart, after you had broke mine more times than one.
All I ask if that you please leave me alone. Please go away and don't come back even though it fucking hurts. When you try to talk to me and when you show up at my fucking house unannounced, I get filled with so much anxiety that I feel like I'm 15 again. I don't need to be 15 again.
I'm not scared of you. I know you won't fucking touch me. I'm scared I'm going to feel bad for you. I won't go for you again, but you've been going for me and I can't fucking stand it anymore. I'm scared that you'll be able to manipulate me again and fucking turn me into your goddamn puppet once more. That's all I ever was to you, a little girl tied to some strings that you dragged around town with you. I was more than a puppet, I was a fucking dog on a leash and you loved it.
You'd create fights just so you could win them. You knew I was too nice to let you lose, so I'd fight for myself and eventually give up. Then I'd apologize and apologize until you finally decided to forgive me a few days later.
I'm done letting you walk all over me. I'm done letting you think it's okay to come in and out of my life. I'm done letting you think I'm always going to be nice to you.
This is it. I've been over you for a very long time but now I've hit my breaking point. It's not about getting over you or the breakup or our long relationship. It's about realizing my self worth — and with you I had none.
I'm going to grow from this. I'm going to move on. I'm going to try to forget the things you've done to me, how you've treated me, and how you've messed with my head.
All I ask is, please don't come back again. Please don't come to my house. Please just leave me alone. If you asked me a few months ago if I still wanted you in my life, I would have begged for you to stay. Now, I'll leave you on read and slam the door in your face: get the picture? Please don't come back again.
