Drunk
Touching
Holding
Resting
Laying
Laughing
Completely and utterly respectful
To feel another in a non sexual way is something I have not experienced in a very long time. No grabbing, no slapping, nothing in any sort inappropriate, and fuck did it feel good. It felt good to be comfortable for once, to not feel any pressure, and to not be nervous. Just sleeping there on his chest, in the most random of situations. Just laying there on the dorm room floor, drunk, happy, and content. The little traces all over my body by someone who had just become something less of a stranger only a few hours before.
It reminded me of old times, good ones too. Memories of when I would lay in his bed, when I would lay on his chest, when I would be comfortable in his arms. That's where I unfortunately got anxious, because the thought of him in a situation like this made me completely angry. The thought of him always makes me angry. However, although I might have gotten a bit anxious, it didn't make me feel uncomfortable because every time I would tense up, this boy on the dorm room floor would sense it. Whether he was half asleep, half drunk, or both, I could not tell, but it didn't even matter. His hands running softly through my hair, his traces on my back, and his arms pulling me closer made it all feel okay. I felt okay.
Even if I may have wanted something more to happen, and he may have too, I'm happy nothing did. I'm happy with the way things went, I'm happy how it was comfortable because that's so fucking hard for me to ever feel. I miss being able to be that comfortable with someone. Hopefully comfort like that will find me again real soon.
