To the boy who makes my stomach flutter:
I want you to know I haven't felt like this in a while. I want you to know that when I get like this, it won't go away for a while.
I hope you don't mind me texting you. I hope you don't mind the long paragraphs, or the quick texts back. I hope you don't mind if I try to ask you to hang out with me. I hope you don't mind if I talk about you in therapy.
I wish you had more interest. I wish you talked more. I wish I wasn't so scared to make the first move, I really wish I could have been more flirty. I wish I could have been more outgoing, and I wish I wasn't so awkward. I wish the anxiety would have gone away so, even though it still hasn't and I know it never will. I wish I had the guts to tell you how I feel. I wish I didn't get like this.
I don't want to be like this. I don't want to like you, I don't even know you. I don't want to get crazy over someone I know I can't have, especially someone like you. I don't know why I always do this to myself, pick the ones I know I'll never get. I don't know why I bother to stretch my arms out for you because I know you're out of reach. I don't know why I get so worked up over things like this. I don't know why I've been losing sleep. I don't know why I can't get your blonde hair out of my head. I don't know why I close my eyes and see your blue ones in my dreams. I don't know why I can't get you out of my head.
I'm sorry if you ever get to know me and find out I am the way I am. I'm sorry that I can't be upfront with you. I'm sorry I fear rejection too much to even try. I'm sorry I've been writing about you, but once I start I can't stop. I'm sorry I'm obsessive about the things I want, but maybe that's just because I've never had anything want me as bad. I'm sorry I'm an anxious wreck and I pray that you never see me that way. I'm sorry I said I'll pray when I've never spoken to God before. I'm sorry that I apologize too much and I'm sorry this is starting to not make much sense. I'm sorry I didn't get to say these things to you in person but it would have been too soon. I'm sorry that I never had the balls to get past "too soon" because nothing like this is ever too soon. I'm sorry that I believe in things like "this" and that "this" is something I'm going to always have to live with.
But most of all
I'm sorry that I feel this way about you, and I'm sorry that I'll never tell you.
