Log 40: The Last One

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i know it's time to put my foot down and really change who i've been. it's not about poems or short stories or a memoir or a novel or anything other than the life i'm living in the moment. whether i one day write something or not, i want that day to start now; i want to be able to say i put my mind to something and did it.

maybe i'm just high and got crazy stupid inspiration from new girl just now but i think i'm ready to become Something More.

Something More.

i will become the tragic hero, except this version of me is the one to die. (i'm saying all of this bc i'm high who knows what i'm gonna do) But I want to Be More. i guess i just want to become better, fiercer, stronger ~ stronger by kanye west beat ~

i can't find the word but i know it starts with an A.

anyway, i started this high so i'll end it too. my thoughts don't have to go down this way anymore; i don't write like this anymore. these thoughts aren't who i am anymore, but they're a part of me and always will be.

i'll figure my shit out one day, and maybe i'll write that story.

maybe i'll write that screenplay

maybe i'll edit that thesis or manuscript

maybe i'll write a memoir.

i'll see what happens when i get there.

my thoughts no longer worry me this much.
my thoughts no longer hurt me this much.
my thoughts will bring me peace one day.
my thoughts will find me my home.

i never believed i had much control over my life. for a long, long time i was stuck in a dark place. i'm finding my way out, climbing towards the light somehow. i'm going to figure out who i am, without having to be anyone else's first because i know whoever i'm supposed to be is proud of who i am right now.

my thoughts are the one thing that have always been mine; but now i'll share them with you.

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