I didn't know what to do or how to feel. I couldn't sleep at all, my legs wouldn't stop shaking, and my eyes weren't even heavy. I know I shouldn't have let him talk me into getting that Red Bull, but shit happens I guess right?
I hopped in my car as soon as I saw light break through the window. The beach was my destination and my car was the vessel. I needed someone to feel peace; somewhere that would make me go blank for a little while. Although I didn't make it in time for a "wow" of a sunrise, the little streaks of pink ribbon throughout the sky suited just fine.
I know that after I write this, I'll be headed to the bagel store, ready to spend more money than I earn. Ready to fill the hunger I've been so desperately trying to hide recently. Sometimes you can't control whether things are good or bad, because sometimes it's just both. Nothing you do can or will change that; you have to take it as it comes. I'd like to think I've been taking everything how it's been coming; the bad and the good. It just sucks that I can't really tell the difference anymore.
I snap photos off the boardwalk and give soft smiles for the camera - trying to make it look like I'm happy. Trying to make it look like I've enjoyed this morning. I wouldn't say I hate it already, but it's definitely not my favorite. As I write, I question to myself why I let these people have this control. Why do you let these things get to you? That's an answer I'm hoping to soon find out. But for now, I'll keep sitting on this bench, listening to the waves crash among the shore, and type my fingers away with the thoughts that are rushing from my brain.
I'm happy I came down here to see the early morning sky. To bask in the haze of a new day beginning is something hard to explain. It's pure; it's fresh; it's beautiful. I could describe it better, I'm sure of that, but my vocabulary is short this morning and I'm okay with that. Not everything needs some big, dramatic display to be understood as something lovely. The sky this morning is lovely; as is the ocean air with that salty sea hint, the sound of the birds chirping along side the continuous waves, and as am I, sitting on this park bench.
Life is simple. Life is temporary. Clear your head, and move on.
