You invade my mind.
You're mostly what I think about, and I think a lot. I'm always deep in thought, and it wont even involve you, but you manage to crawl your way in somehow. I cant think properly when I'm around you. I want you, but you don't want me. I know you'll never want me. You're too good for me, and I know I'll never be enough. I want to be enough, but I'll never be what you want. I can be what you need, but I don't think you'll ever see that. I need you, but I don't think you'll ever see that.
You aren't like him, no, not even close to him. You're wonderful, but for awhile so was he. I hope you don't turn into him. No, I know you wont, because you aren't him, and I hope you never will be. I really hate him, and I know I'm lying when I say that but I just don't want the way I feel towards him, to be ever put towards you.
I wonder if you'll ever read this. I hope you do but I hope you don't. I want to let you in my mind but at the same time I never want you to step foot near it. My mind is such a fucked up place, it's too confusing and I know that once I let you see inside, I'd want to make a time machine just so i could go back and change the fact you saw it all.
I want to go in your mind and explore. I want to know what you're thinking but I really don't want you to know what I'm thinking. I'm fucked up because thats not fair, but I don't want to ruin your view on me. Once you saw everything my mind has to offer you would for sure back away.
I don't let people in very easily, but I want to let you in so bad. I want you to listen to my thoughts and tell me everything would be okay and hold me, never letting go. That would truly be in only a perfect world wouldn't it? You will never see me the way I see you. I would do anything for you, I know you would do more for me then he would, but I wonder, how far would you go for me? Probably not that far, no one ever does.
I really liked when you told me you missed me. I really like when you hug me. I like when you talk to me when you're upset, I hate the fact that you get upset because you deserve to be happy, but I like the fact that you can come to me. I like how sometimes you spill your late night thoughts to me. At like 1 am when no one else is up and you have too much on your mind that you just have to share it, accept I don't, I write it. I wish I could share my thoughts with you but they're too drawn out for you to care about. I wonder if you ever get curious about what I write, do you ever think it could be about you? Do you ever want to ask me to read my writing? If you do, don't hesitate to ask, I'd let you read whatever you wanted, even if it was embarrassing.
I like sharing my late night thoughts with you, like I am right now. I like hearing what you have to say and how your mind works. I want to know your greatest fear. Maybe I'll ask you that right now.
I think my greatest fear is you'll end up crushing me more then I expected, and you'll end up worse then him.
And quite frankly, I don't think I could live with myself if I let that happen, because I don't want to view you like I view him, I want to see you as the person I really enjoy being around and talking to. But thats exactly how I saw him once. Why do i keep comparing you to him? You're nothing like him. You're different and I like different. I like you a lot more then I should and a lot more then I'll ever admit to myself. I like you simply because you're you.
And I really hope you never let me go, even though you haven't even been holding me and sadly I don't think you ever will. I hope you do, I trust you more then I should, and I know that once you do, if you ever, hold me, the second you drop me, I might never be able to get back up again. Not after a second time of being dropped, without even having a glance back at me to see if I'm okay.
But you aren't like that, because you aren't him. You're you, and I think thats my favorite part.
