I'm getting tired of these late nights,
Or should I say
Early mornings.
I'm tired of being afraid to shut my eyes,
I'm tired of hearing the birds sing.
One melatonin,
Two melatonin,
Three melatonin,
Four.
Nothing seems to work,
Nothing seems to help.
I just want to close my eyes and be able to drift,
Escape to paradise for a few short hours,
But sadly that's not the case.
Instead,
I'll wait for the sun to come up,
I'll wait for it to feel safe.
Just as the light peaks up in the East,
Dawn will consume the early sky,
The birds will continue to chirp,
The squirrels will search for nuts,
And the morning dew will spread,
As will I,
But only across my bed.
The world around me will start to wake up,
As I force myself to gain a few hours of rest,
Hating that I'm on a different clock
Than everyone else.
I'm tired of letting the lack of sleep control me,
I'm tired of having my day all messed up.
I'm tired of people calling me lazy for sleeping,
Because they don't understand how hard it is,
They don't understand what it feels like,
They don't understand I don't do it purposely.
"Teenagers just naturally are glued to their phones all night" most of them say, blaming my age for my lack of hours.
They'll never understand.
I'm tired of having to force myself to do this
Every damn day,
And I hate that it's getting easier.
I hate feeling fourteen again,
I hate feeling fifteen again,
I hate feeling like I'm a fucked up child
That didn't know what to do with herself at night,
All she would do was write and wish she were dead,
Can't say I don't feel fourteen again.
Would you look at the time?
It's 6:05.
I'm tired.
Goodnight.
