Black and Grey

Chapter Eight: Think Like Teddy

Dr. Evelyn Grice's Office 7:45AM

Theodore R Grey's Birthday

"Thanks for making time for me Dr. Grice, I know it's the weekend," Tam said apologetically as she shifted on the therapists couch.

"And it's extremely early, but I was concerned. You had stopped coming to me and to hear from you and I received this strange voicemail in regards to you." Dr. Grice went over to her desk and played the voicemail.

"Hello Dr. Grice, my name is Theodore Grey, I know you can't give me any information on Tamera Black I was wanting to know if her relapsing is normal and how do I … um, I how do I fix her. That's probably not the proper way to say it, she's not broken, I just found her and in a ball crying and I uh, I never felt so helpless." There was moment of silence and then a deep breath before speaking again. "Please call me back this is an urgent matter." Tamera was mad, she had told him not to call and now she was hearing this.

"I can't believe him!" She gasped and crossed her arms in a huff. "I told him not to call you! This is so embarrassing." She held her head in her hands and groaned.

"How is his concern for you embarrassing? May I ask his relation to you? How does he fit into your life?"

"Dr. Grice, I've told you about Teddy, he's my best friend and apparently I can't trust him as much as he said I could." Dr. Grice narrowed her eyes as she looked at the girl.

"Okay, yes I do remember a Teddy. He seems very protective of you and he feels very connected to you." Tam shrugged off the good doctor's statement. She wasn't here to talk about Teddy; her relationship with him was the good thing in her life. She needed to talk about her imperfections and try to figure out why she'd vomited again.

"Is it normal for me to relapse like this? The whole thing was weird I didn't even have to make myself vomit, I just did."

"This may not be a relapse if you didn't intentionally make yourself vomit Tamera. Can I ask what you were focusing on that day?" Dr. Grice clicked her pen so that she could write down Tam's response.

"Uh yeah, I was feeling low, really like I was ugly and I was living in the past the whole morning. Is it weird that I still feel the hurt of when Luke dumped me? I couldn't believe he'd done it in such a public place. He'd told everyone that he was a man and I was a little girl and that I needed to grow, everyone laughed." Tamera sighed as a tear fell down his cheek.

"Was he referring to sex?" Dr. Grice asked and Tam answered with a nod.

"I was fifteen and I knew myself well enough to know that I wasn't ready, but he kept nagging me and bothering me about it. A couple of hours after that Teddy kicked his ass." Tamera smirked.

"He's very protective over you huh?" Dr. Grice chuckled as Tam nodded again.

"He's my best friend," Tamera stated proudly. "He was so sweet to me that night. He kept saying that Luke didn't know how good he had it with me. It was the first the first time he called me pretty. It meant a lot to me that night, even though …" She sighed and grabbed a tissue.

"Even though?" Dr. Grice prodded.

"I knew he was lying. He just hated to see me upset." Tam blotted her face.

"That maybe true, but that doesn't mean he was lying. You are a very pretty girl Tamera. Why don't you believe that?" The doctor asked and Tamera just rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"When I was in high school and I was a cheerleader the other girls used to call me a pig among other things. They made fun of my curly hair, so I got braids, they didn't like my clothes so I upgraded. I just wanted to blend in, but I was also friends with Teddy Grey so that wasn't an option. There were also the chicks that tried to be nice to me to get to him. High school was one of the places I realized how two-faced people could be." Memories went through Tam's head of people teasing and trying to use her.

"People make fun of what they don't understand. Those people shouldn't have meant anything to you." Dr. Grice started to explain but Tamera just shook her head.

"What about my mom? Shouldn't her thoughts have meant something to me? She always told me that if I lost a few more pounds I'd be perfect. She was always comparing me with the models she was working with. She would say things like she wished my nose was a bit straighter or that my boobs were too big. I felt like my body was just a mess … I still do." More tears fell and she shielded her face from Dr. Grice's face. Dr. Grice had heard parts of this story before but something had changed after her junior year that caused her to not need her anymore. That was what she needed to remind Tamera of, she needed to remind her that there was a time when she'd overcome this.

"Well, let me give you a bit of good news. I don't think your vomiting was a bulimic episode. I think you are suffering with anxiety and body image issues. Extreme stress can make someone vomit and I think that's what happened. Can I ask Tamera what was it that made you stop coming for your appointments?" Tamera thought back and remembered that summer was the summer that Teddy had asked her to go Aspen with his family and in turn he went with her to New York to visit her grandmother.

"Teddy kept me busy." Tamera smiled to herself as she remembered all the fun they'd had on that trip and how he'd attempted to teach her how to fish and how badly she sucked at it. She also remembered the fun she had with Phoebe, Ava, and her boyfriend Blane.

"Did he now?" Dr. Grice was starting to catch a theme surrounding Tamera's life.

"Yeah, we went on a couple of trips that summer and it was so exciting. Teddy he saved my life, he gave me someone to talk to about everything. I don't know what I'd do without him." Tamera didn't realize how much Ted had meant to her until that very moment. She didn't realize how he was always there when she was going through all of her stupid shit.

"I'd say the feeling is mutual. He seemed really terrified that something could be wrong with you. Maybe you should try thinking of him whenever these feelings start to attack you? You could think what would Teddy think about this? What does Teddy think of me? Until you can start to view yourself in that high a regard, borrow his views for a little while." Tamera frowned at her therapist and thought the woman had lost her mind.

"You seriously think that will be enough?" Tamera asked in disbelief.

"Maybe, and if it isn't you can come back to me. I think you just need to learn to view yourself differently. I don't think you ever truly learned to value yourself; you just distracted yourself with someone else's life. Now your mind is trying get back to all of the unfinished business in your life. You just need to lead your thoughts in the right direction. Just try this and see how it works, okay?" Tamera nodded even though she thought Dr. Grice was full of shit. She stood up and headed towards the door. Tamera had a hair appointment and she had to get ready for the big event tonight. After she said her goodbyes she pulled her phone out of her purse. Ted had called a total of four times.

"Only four calls Grey? You're losing your touch." She smirked at her phone as she got on the elevator and sent him a brief text.

Tam: Hey sorry I missed ur call what's up?

Ted: Wyd

Tam: None ur business Grey

Ted: TAM?

Tam: Happy BDay Grey! :-)

Ted: I wanna grab lunch where r u?

Tam: Sorry can't I have an appt. I'll meet you at your parent's place ok?

Ted: I guess :-(

"That's my Grey," Tam chuckled; she could image his face pouting because he didn't get his way. She still needed to get his gift situated. She was going to have a very busy afternoon.