Troubled souls

2. Fucked up

"Y/n please you're my last hope. you're my best friend. he won't eat. he won't sleep. when he does sleep he's plagued with nightmares and memories. he won't speak. he just lays there staring blankly at the ceiling for hours." Steve practically begs me. no he is begging me.

"I don't know Steve I know he's your best friend and all."

I take a deep breath to keep my composure

"But I don't know if I can handle it ."
'Seeing his face again twenty years after he murdered my parents in cold blood."
"I know it wasn't actually him and I get that, but that doesn't mean it won't still hurt"

"Y/n you know I wouldn't let him ask you if I didn't deem it necessary. There's no one else we can turn to. I remember how he basically killed you too with the nightmares and everything. hell y/n I've raised you since you were seven. your a strong stubborn and hard headed female who is just as noble as captain America over there if not slightly more. please help him. y/n I wouldn't ask if i had any other choice." Nick begs

Nicholas Fury never begs anyone

"Fine. Can i have the day off to process everything?."

"Y/n you can take as much time as you need. and you'll be working with Barnes, so you won't be here anyway." Nick says with a slight frown

I just give him a fake smile, grab my bag, and walk back to my room. taking the stairs instead of the elevator because i need to think.

When I get to my room i slip my shoes off throwing my keys in the bowl by the door and hanging my purse up.

Walking to my room, stripping off my clothes on the way there, grabbing a giant hoodie and some pajama shorts. slipping them on, I go into the living room and set in the chair next to the window.

as i stare out watching the rain drip down the large window i can't help but think about my past, and what I have done.

I've done things just like he has. And yet as I set here, hating him for what he did but yet, I've done some horrible things too.

Things i hate myself for. Things no one knows. Not even Steve. And I tell him everything.

Only Nick knows because he found me. Lying in a puddle of my own blood. As the scars littered my body and the bleeding cuts on my arms. Hating myself for the things i had done.

I had done some horrible things and couldn't stand to look at myself anymore knowing i killed them in cold blood.

I'm not a field agent anymore. I can't be. I can't be on the field and kill people. I tried. And failed.

I had a panic attack on the field when we were taking down a hydra base.

He was there. Seeing him sent me into a panic attack and I attacked everyone there. Kicking, punching. That's how Nick lost his eye. I stabbed him. I shot one of his top agents and killed him.

All because I had a panic attack that made me hallucinate..

Maybe I'm just as fucked as he is..