Troubled souls

5. Forgiveness

I woke up still on the couch. there was a cold feeling around my waist and a huge weight on my legs. i opened my eyes squinting at the light realizing its Bucky.

The winter soldier

Sleeping

On my legs.

in my apartment

The man who murder my parents

Oh my God

What have I gotten myself into.

He stirs slightly waking up. when he does he doesn't know where he is. he jumps up pinning me to the arm of the couch. his metal arm against my neck choking me. then the realization hits his eyes and he lets go.

He falls to his knees and starts to sob.

"Y/n I'm so sorry"

"I'm so fucking sorry"

"I-i" he just sobbed harder unable to form words

He gets up to run out the door

And so

I did something i thought I would never do.

I ran after him

"Bucky!"

"Go away, i could have killed you!"

"James wait!"
"I forgive you!"

He stops in his tracks and turns around

"W-what?"

I walked over and grabbed his left hand.

"Come back with me?"
"Please?"
"We need to talk"

We get back to my apartment and I lead him into my safe room. no one knows about it. no ones ever been in here but me.

The walls are lined with books and replicas of things from movies and tons of DVDs and a CD player with stacks of CDs and paint supplies everywhere and paintings littered the walls drawings too. paper all over the floor.

"Bucky, welcome to my safe room. I've never let anyone in here."

"Why me? y/n why bring me in here when no one else has been here, I almost killed you. I could kill you right now and not leave a trace, leave you in here and no one would find you."
"You're not scared?"

"No buck."

"The thing is, on the field in 2012 when I killed the top agent and I stabbed Nick in the eye. i had a panic attack. it was my first mission. that's why Fury was there. it was to take down a hydra base"

"The winter soldier was there. i had a panic attack."

"I flipped. stabbing people shooting them. hell the man who raised me since I was 7 I stabbed him in the eye for Gods sake."

"You think that because you woke up having a panic attack and choked me, i would be mad at you?"

"No. You may be mad at yourself. but I'm not mad at you. like I hate myself for what I did. No one else does."

"Why did you say the winter soldier was there?" Bucky asks
"Why didn't you say I was there?"

"Because you were not. He was."

"Winter isn't you Buck "
"And you aren't winter"

He attacks me in hugs again

"I killed your parents and you treat me like you've known me forever. why?"

"Because when I killed that man he had a daughter who was left behind. her mother died years before."

"She treated me the way I'm treating you. she understood and didn't hate me. hydra killed her mother too"

"Did I-?" buck asks

"No buck you didn't kill her and neither did winter. she got stuck in the cross fire taking down another base years earlier."

"The girl. Her name is Maria. she took her fathers position. She is now the head shield agent. Maria Hill"

"We were 17. when that happened"

"I was only 17 when I killed him."