Troubled souls

3 breakfast

I wake up screaming.
Crying.
I can't breathe.
It feels like I'm being choked.
Like I'm being stabbed in the gut.
Shot In the chest.
I can still hear the screams
hear the gunshots ringing in my ears. Covering my ears
i just sob harder
my breathing becoming extremely hard to control.

My entire body is shaking.

I'm having a panic attack

Suddenly I hear a voice it makes me jump and shake harder.

It's just friday..

"Would you like for me to contact Mr Rogers?"

"Please!?"
I squeak out the best i can

I heard the keys jingle and the door open

"Y/n?!"

I sob harder

The bedroom door opens and in steps Steve.

"Oh y/n/n"

"Come here"
He pulls me into his chest

"Same as last time?"

"Mhmm"

I keep gasping for breath

"Steve I-i c-cant breathe"

"Breathe in 12345"
"Breathe out 1234"

"I can't."

"They can't breathe so why should I?!"

"They're dead Steve, i should be too!"

"Come on y/n it's okay."

"NO! It's not Steve it never will be okay"
"Every time he comes up in topic i have the nightmares and the panic attacks again! What will happen when I see him in person?!"
"Just because I'm a therapist doesn't mean shit!" " I can't handle myself Steve I can't face it! I can't face him"

I started whimpering "I'm scared Stevie"

"Shhh y/n/n it's okay. Shh, he's not going to hurt you."

"What time is it?"

Steve looks over at the clock

"5:19am"

"Shouldn't you be on your morning run with Wilson?"

"Buck was having a nightmare about 20minutes ago so i decided to stay and make sure he was okay"

"He has nightmares too?"

"Yeah y/n he does." " Its his PTSD."
"He thinks its his fault all those people are dead because his hands and his body killed them. Even though his mind didn't. Bucky didn't kill them, at least i don't think so. the winter soldier and Bucky are two different people."
"But because his hands pulled the triggers and plunged the knives, he thinks he shouldn't be alive because they aren't"

"I guess I can try to help him."
"I don't want anyone to feel the way that I do"
"I'm gonna go cook breakfast, you should bring Bucky back and make Wilson tag along."

"Ill try but he's not gonna come y/n. Buck doesn't go anywhere or do anything"

"He thinks we all hate him. After all he did kill you're parents. Tony's too. "
"Out of all people if Tony can get over his ego and self pride you can too"

Breakfast has been done for a little over 20 minutes and Steve still hasn't shown up yet.

So I put the food in containers instead. put them in a bag and walked to Steve's apartment.

I knocked. no answer.

I knocked again.

An again

An again

And then I hear a crash. so i set the food on the ground and kicked the door in..

Steve and Bucky both look at me like I'm insane

"My Door!!" Steve exclaims

Bucky remembers her. Years ago on a mission to kill two of shields top agents. He saw her in the bathroom but made no move on it. He wouldn't forget those eyes. He couldn't forget her eyes. Her gorgeous y/c/e eyes.

"What's going on in here?!"

"Once I finally got Bucky out of bed, he stumbled. He hasn't eaten or done anything since he's been here so he got dizzy and fell into the stand and knocked over the lamp" Steve explained.

"Oh"
"Well"
"I brought food!"

So we set everything out on the table and started eating. But Bucky. He wouldn't eat. Hell I could barely eat myself knowing he was there.

"So, I'm y/n but people call me y/n/n"
"What's your name?"

"Don't you already know my name and who I am?" "everyone else does and they're afraid of me" Bucky sighs

"I want to hear it from you. Every human deserves another chance at life. H ell i got two."

"M-my name is J-j-james, but you can call me Bucky."

"Nice to meet you Bucky"

Breakfast went on and another ten minutes later Bucky still wouldn't eat.

"Why aren't you eating Bucky? does it taste okay? if it's cold I can make more."

"No, no. it's fine I just."
"I know who you are. I remember you. from a mission. Twenty years ago. i was sent to kill two of shields top agents. You were hiding in the bathroom."
"And I'm Assuming you hate me too? Everyone else here hates me. I'm  afraid of being poisoned to be honest."

Bucky breathes out. it feels nice to get the overwhelming pain of regret and fear off his chest

Bucky hangs his head low in shame.

So I slide my hand across the table and take his plate. and give him mine.

"See Bucky. No poison." "You saw me eating it you're safe. and to be honest. Yes I'm afraid of you, but no i don't hate you. I've done things just as bad as you."