Troubled souls

22

recap from last chapter

Hey doll, it's okay. I'm okay."
He whispers as he pulls her into his lap. His back leaning against the wall. Her head on his chest. She can hear his heartbeat. Feel him breathing.

-
She tries to cuddle into him more, wanting to be as close to him as possible.

"Baby girl, can you stand up for me?"

She just lets out a whimper and a soft reply. "i don't want to."

"You have to. my legs are numb."
He lifts her off of his lap and on to the floor beside him. And stands up
"Come on babe up ya go" he says as he offers her his hand

She pouts like a three year old. arms crossed bottom lip poking out glaring at him.

"Come on y/n" "stop pouting.'

"No. i just want you to hold me"

"I was planning on it until you started pouting."

She lets out a huff.

He bends down and lifts her to make her stand up

"I don't wanna walk or stand Buck, i just wanna curl in a ball and if you're not gonna hold me just let me curl up right here on the floor"

"I'm not going to leave you here y/n,"
" Now come on up you go"

He says while putting his hands on her hips signaling her to jump.

He picks her up. her head on his shoulder, arms around his neck, legs wrapped around his waist

He walks down the hallway into her bedroom and pulls the blanket back with one arm, the other still holding her shaking body that is so desperately trying to get closer to his warm and inviting embrace that makes her feel safe like nothing else or no one else can.

He climbs into the bed and pulls her fragile body against his chest, their legs tangling together, her head on his chest hearing his steady heartbeat.

She breaks their comfortable silence.

"How? how'd you do it Buck?"

"Do what?"

"Survive hydra and the memories you have"

"My memories still haunt me" y/n says
"I had a real bad dream Buck."
"It was 'bout you"
"before the war. and during the war. and the train. the fall. the metal arm attachment process. the torture."
"It was in such detail and it was so realistic. it was like hydra was forcing me to watch them torture and then kill you." "but it also showed what your life could have been like. Would have been like"
"you were married Buck, with kids and a beautiful house"
"How I so wish I could go back in time and sav-"

"Woah woah woah, Y/n"
"Hold up for a second. I've gotten through it because I had to force myself to. The only reason I'm this far into recovery is because of you if it wasn't for you, I would be long gone and dead by now like I deserve. But I'm alive because you give me the strength to carry on.'
"If i had to go back and go through it all again knowing you'll be waiting on the other side, i would."
"I would go through all the pain and Torture again just to spend a few moments with you"
"I wouldn't change a damn thing knowing that you'd be waiting to patch me up and give me the love i definitely don't deserve"