Troubled souls

19. Birthday insecurities

Y/n got out of the 'hospital' the next day. Because of her half alien DNA, she was already healed.

Bucky still refused to let her walk home. He insisted on carrying her.

What she didn't know was the rest of the team was waiting for her. They fixed her apartment and cleaned everything before she came home. Bucky had also had Steve set up his surprise for him so y/n wouldn't suspect anything. They get to her apartment and walk in and everyone stands up and makes sure shes okay.

Theres balloons  everywhere food covered the island in the kitchen and the counter. Theres a big happy birthday banner on the huge glass wall.

"Oh my God." Y/n gasps out and covers her face crying.

"Whats wrong doll?" Bucky whispers walking over to the couch setting down.

"I haven't celebrated my birthday in 20 years, today would've made 21."

Shes 28. Today to be exact.

"How'd you know?"

"Fury told me, and i told Bucky" Steve says.

"You guys didn't  have to do this. Thank you!" She stands up and hugs everyone.

She sets back down beside Bucky curling into his side.

"Why haven't you celebrated your birthday in so long?" Natasha asks

"My birthday. It's the day my parents died" y/n whispers out.

Bucky goes completely still. Freezing.

He stands up and excuses himself walking out of the apartment 

Y/n get up and runs after him.

"What just happened?" Nat asks

"The winter soldier. He uhm. He killed y/n's parents when she was seven."
Clint replies

"Oh"
--

"Bucky wait!"

"Why? Why Y/n? Why should i stop? Just leave me alone I'm not worth your time!"
Bucky throws his hands up in the air

"I killed your parents. I ruined your seventh birthday and every birthday after that!" "I love you y/n, so fucking much, so much that i don't think" bucky gestures between them.
"That i don't think this will work! Or should work for that matter. You should hate me. You should hate my guts. I shouldn't be standing here talking to you. I shouldn't be able To hold you after your breakdowns, Or be able to touch you" Bucky comes up and caresses her face.
"I shouldn't be able to be around you. I shouldn't be alive" Bucky says still holding her face in his hands. She puts her hands on his.

She does what she never though she'd do in a million years.

She leans in closer so her lips just every so slightly brush against his and she pulls back, looking into his eyes for permission

She thinks 'fuck it' and kisses him. She moves to put her arms around his neck and he puts his hand on the back of her head to kiss her harder. She pulls back and looks into his eyes

"Bucky. Thats some bullshit, I want you. I want you here and in my life. I want you to hold me, Kiss me, hug me, love me. What you did, i still hate it. I hate hydra and Winter. But James Buchanan Barnes, I fucking love you! Okay?" "I have told you so many damn times that winter isn't you and you aren't winter" "Okay? I love you. I want you in my life, I want to be there for you, i want to be able to hold you, kiss you, hug you, love you. I'm okay with your past. I accept it. I will help you through all that shit okay? The nightmares i know about them. The panic attacks? I've seen them."

"James I love you! And only you"

"I fucking love you!"
Bucky kisses her.
"God i love you"

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her into his chest. He kisses the top of her head and they just stand there. Tears rolling down his face. He's never felt so accepted. Not even with Steve.

They walk back into the apartment hand in hand.

As they go to open the door Steve steps out

"I was just coming to check on you, you alright?"

"Yeah, were okay." Bucky says looking down at her.

"Alright then let's go cut the cake!"

They walk back into the apartment to hear everyone yell

"Happy birthday!"

All of a sudden they hear sam yell

"Its party time mother fuckers!"