BOSS | NCT

o26

The moon was fat and bright.

The darkness of this hallway somewhat made the Orphans', Mark's, and Lucas' absence heavier, harder, hopeless.

I am living in a pendulum of stupid blindness and cowardice. I kept on waiting for my end day, selfishly spending my time with my brothers because it makes me feel good, and then being left alone in the end.

I kept on wondering what else I would like to do for the remaining hours of my life but aside from my family, my vision is of a dawn's timid light crept over shivering, evergreen trees.

I wonder what it meant.

A sound of footsteps made me alert. Without moving my neck, I looked at the source of the sound. Little by little, a silhouette appeared in the darkness.

Then he's there, my Jaemin, standing in the dark and looking at me with amber chips of dazzling eyes.

He stared at me as if it's no surprise that I'm in this position: weak and vulnerable with my back against the wall.

"Nana," I hummed, patting the floor beside me "Come here."

It was unnecessary for me to say those words, because I knew Jaemin came back here to join me. I know he noticed it beforehand that I got left out as they dashed upstairs to the rooftop.

He's always this way, my Jaemin . . .

Observant and sympathetic and kind Jaemin. He doesn't show it a lot, but his eyes can tell lies. One of them is mine.

The space beside me was occupied by his warmth. Our shoulders brushed against each other. Then as expected, words of question escaped his lips that caused my heart to pound eagerly, "Be honest with me, Jeena. When is your end day?"

There was no anger in his voice. Nor the slightest bit of disappointment. But I am sure I can hear one thing: pain.

I let a soft sigh escape my lips. Jaemin knows. He knows I don't have much time left. I am not even surprised.

"I know you know already," I breathed, hands pale. "I know you know that I've been keeping it as a secret from you guys. You know me well, Nana. You know me too well . . . "

Jaemin lowered his gaze until he's staring at my newly bought shoes. "Nice shoes,"

So he chose to ignore it. He chose ignorance over pain.

"Jaemin," I breathed "Do not change the topic."

His Adam's apple bobbed a bit, his hazelnut hair glowed by the moonlight. He stared at my shoes once again and may I repeat, he indeed chose ignorance over pain. "When I first saw you tonight, I always wanted to compliment how pretty you look with your shoes. You look girlier and-"